What to say to the doctor

[toosadx]

I've had a run of really bad news, life changing health problems, lots to bear and it has got to the point where I am so tired of it all, crying a lot, taking myself to bed to cry, numb feelings. I. Caring for a relative and it scares me that now I don't care any more.

The problem is I am at the point where I would struggle to find the confidence to speak to a doctor. How would I even get to the door, what would I say, what do I expect her to do.

I'm embarrassed to be in this state, taking risks in the hope I might get run over, wanting to be dead but being terrified of not being around to see my children grow up.

I run through my head going to see the GP then realise I have such low self esteem that I have looked after everyone else but myself. I don't want anti depressants, counselling. I just want all the bad things to go away or for someone to help me.

What do you do, what do you say.

Name changed, I'm a regular poster.

Im sorry you are going thru this life can be hard. Make an appointment with the doctor you feel will listen and understand. You cant go on like this you will break at some point if you dont get help. That wont be any good for your children
Even write down what you need to say if thats easier.

Show the GP what you've written here. It's really expressive, and they will be able to help you.

Sorry you’re feeling like this, OP, it sounds overwhelming. I used to think about walking into the road too, half hoping a car would run the lights, at least then it would be over. It’s a bad place to be in. I found it impossible to have any self esteem when I was feeling overwhelmed and depressed like that. It’s not something about you, it sounds like you’ve had a massive amount to deal with and everyone has their limit.

I went to the GP and she was very sympathetic. I also didn’t want antidepressants, although I’ve found them really good in the past, I probably should have had them this time really. But she listened and just to have someone say ‘wow, that sounds tough’ etc was helpful and made me realise I wasn’t well. I was lucky that I had some money to do private counselling, I only went 5 or 6 times, and that did help to give me the nudge I needed to my self esteem. I hope you find something that helps. Be kind to yourself.

Also this might help you prepare: www.mind.org.uk/findthewords

When l was in a very bad, abusive relationship years ago, l knew that when l went to my GP, l'd just burst into tears. So before l went, every time l thought of a symptom, or something he needed to know, l wrote it down. Then when l went to see him l just handed him the paper and sat and cried while he read it.
lt doesn't mean you won't have to talk to your doctor about it, but you don't worry about forgetting anything when you're feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable, and they get the information they need to help you.
Be open about the help they offer you - don't automatically dismiss anything immediately. You don't have to decide there and then, and you can think about what you feel most comfortable with.
l don't mean to sound patronising, but bad times don't persist forever. lt just feels like that when you've had a run of bad things happening to you. l hope you get some proper help, and that it really makes a difference to how you're feeling x

If you Google "NHS depression test" there is a test you could print, answer and show your GP. I would also recommend reading "Depressive Illness, The Curse of The Strong" by Tim Cantopher - I have a feeling you will recognise yourself in the book.

All the replies are kind and helpful thank you.

I have done the depression test. I've always been an anxious person, it's who I am. But lately it seems like the anxiety has been switched off completely only to be replaced by the depression, it's really strange, I can't be bothered to be anxious any more.

What also worries me is the empathy for the person I care for has also switched off! Yet for my children I still have the love and care, just in a very tired way😐 I was awake for midnight-5am last night again. So no doubt there will be tears from me again.

I have ordered the book, I have seen it mentioned here before and already had it in my basket.

Lots of good advice here.