What do I do?

[anitagreen]

Morning everyone I've posted a lot before about my anxiety and it was bad for a good 8-9 months this last 6 weeks I seemed to be over it and doing amazingly well only for these last 5 days to just come back full pelt again, I feel really in a low mood I'm never ever depressed but I feel it, it's random and come from no where, I don't know what to do? I don't want to feel like this I want to feel happy again and calm.
I had a crap nights sleep thinking about dying but I don't want to die? That scares me I don't know if it was a dream or what. But I've woken up this morning feeling so sad and upset and just empty. I just want to be happy I've been waiting 5 months now for cbt and been told it'll be another 111 days still to go. I just want to be happy again this has come back out of no where and I'm struggling now. Any advise on what's helped you get out this rut would really help thank you

It can feel awful when you've felt good for a while to start to feel down again, and sometimes i know it does just come from no where at all.

I was waiting for CBT for a while and decided to pay to speak to a private counsellor, not an option for everyone i know, but i felt better after the first session.

The thing that she said which stuck with me the most is "You won't feel this way forever." For some reason something so simple as to imagine that how i was feeling was not permanent was helpful to me.

For me i always tend to blame myself when i slip back into my anxiety and depression, as though i should have spotted it sooner and stopped it. But it's not that simple and i've had to learn to be kind to myself and not to place blame.

So be kinder to yourself OP. Nobody chooses to feel this way.

If possible could you call the CBT and discuss how you're feeling with someone? Perhaps you could be moved up the list?

@AssignedNorthern thank you for the reply and that does stick well with me too, my mum is a prime example of that how you won't feel like that forever.
I spoke to them yesterday and they said they'll get someone to call me back I've tried taking more vitamins too to perk up my mood, but now I'm wondering if it's a physical thing causing me to feel like this I'm constantly tired and feeling run down.
My partner is really supportive but I just feel so shitty much calmer than this morning but I think I'm rushing myself to see improvements and results and not giving myself enough time to get better if this makes any sense, it's just the constant business of my head always assuring myself I'm not losing the plot, always thinking and expecting the worst. Maybe I'm low in iron? It's also coming up to the anniversary of my aunts death too

Think of a pendulum on a clock. It swings from side to side. From 8 o'clock to 4 o'clock. From negative to positive as it were. The pendulum represents your thoughts.

Eventually the pendulum will stop in the 6 o'clock position (normality) and wont swing from side to side.

How do you stop it from swinging side to side? Nothing!!

Just don't wind the clock (mind) up and eventually it will stop.

Just watch the pendulum (thoughts) you do not have to do anything. Thoughts will come and go, just like the pendulum swings from side to side.

But you remain at 6 o'clock (normality) and simply just watch.

From this position just watch the thoughts

Have a look at this video OP

@noego I will have a look at that thank you it's just these stupid fears what if I'm bi polar? What if I have this? What if I have schizophrenia and don't know? It's just all silly I know I don't have it but them thoughts and the low mood is horrible I've booked a doctors appt at 4.20 just hope they don't fob me of with antis