How do us loners deal with it?

[prole]

Despite trying to be a good man, I've reached 51 with no family, friends or anyone at all. I can't be the only person in this position so any coping tips appreciated.

How do you find the will to live after decades of solitary existence?

Oh... just me then.

How do I get this deleted?

The usual advice is to look around for people to connect with gradually, socially, at work or at a gym / hobby / local political party sort of thing.

Do you like solitude, or do you feel it's imposed upon you? I like it, but I'm aware it's a choice.

Sorry that's probably not very helpful.

Do you do any activities that provide you with the chance to meet people?

Do you have work colleagues and what are they like? Would they be interested in something simple like a coffee and chat outside of office hours? I know it might look to you as if they are busy with their own lives but even people who have families can be lonely and might welcome your company.

I'm with Autumn in that I quite like being alone but do understand that if it's unremitting and you don't feel you can change that, it's hard.

What sort of interests do you have?

Are you happy with your own company? I live alone and really like it, as I’m autistic and find social interaction difficult and exhausting. I can manage people in small doses, so I have hobbies like Bridge where you mostly play cards in silence, with just short conversations during tea breaks.
If you want to increase the social contact in your life, there are lots of options.
Join your local church, which will make you welcome at communal worship. You will gradually get to recognise the regulars and you can attend the after service coffee to make friends.
Enquire about volunteering opportunities in your area. A shared project like restoring woodland or litter picking gives the chance for chatting with other volunteers.
See if there’s a Men’s Shed project in your area. This brings isolated men together to work side by side on a diy project and encourages conversation.
Join a dating site if you want a partner rather than just more friends.
If you work, suggest a work social evening and get to know your colleagues better.
Consider an evening class for a hobby or interest you’d like to develop.
Take up a sport.
There are hundreds of things you can try, OP! But if depression or anxiety are holding you back, then see your GP first, to get help.

Thanks for the replies and apologies for reviving this zombie. Depression is a crushing factor in my life so I went to the GP back in March. I'm on the list for PTSD therapy which will hopefully happen in early 2020.

I was prescribed mirtapazine which I found horrendous. I've got to a stage where I don't numb myself with booze and drugs anymore. I made this clear but more (prescription) drugs was the suggested route. I did not feel any benefit but was persuaded to continue for five months. Eventually I had to stop. Part of the problem was the GP's assumption I'd have help dealing with the worst side-effects.

I work a late shift so evenings are always work. Also I work six days out of seven with a varying day off so any regular commitment is near impossible.

The basic problem is my huge mistrust of people. When you experience only the worst end of humanity - beatings, rape, torture etc - how do you regain any faith in humanity? I'm sure people have managed this but how?

This is embarrassing. I was a fool for thinking anyone would give a fuck. MNHQ please delete this. Please.

I don’t know what job you do to “experience the worst in humanity” but I think you need something to counterbalance that.
Can you find somewhere you can volunteer?

A while ago I worked for a search team as a volunteer, and the fact that people turned out in all weathers and hours of the night, to search for missing people, and didn’t expect anything in return, restored my faith.

There were searches where people were having to be sent home because they were over their legal hours. Regular acts of selfless human kindness.

I hope you are feeling a bit better today x

nothing to do with my job. they are things that happened to me over a 20 year period. like an idiot i got through that by deluding myself good things would happen because of 'balance'. counselling was useless - they seem ill equipped to deal with it and actually tried to minimise sexual assault. they asked if i felt guilty for enjoying it. wtf. also useless was my gp - just got put on a year long waiting list and given drugs to keep me in a holding pattern. basically a medical pat on the head.

Volunteering doesn't seem a good idea to me. I'm a horrible person and i work longs hours. this week is 4x9hrs and 2x14 hours. doesn't leave much time it feels. yes i'm being entirely negative i know. 5 decades of shit and i'm supposed to be positive? i've helped many people in my time. i've done the heavy shifting for people moving house. i've helped people decorate. i've assisted people financially. eventually i was forced to ask for some help myself. everyone was "too busy". you don't reap what you sow. that was a harsh lesson in life.

frankly i'm now suicidal. literally no one would notice if i wasn't around and get tired when people (inc NHS) can't quite believe it.

thanks for the reply though. i'm not as ungrateful as i sound.

First of all, no you’re not the only person in this position. Second, if you’ve behaved as you describe, you are not likely to be a horrible person, as you describe yourself.
I do recognise the negative thought spiral you are - been there myself and see it in my son. For me, what helped was good quality CBT. This enabled me to get past 30 plus years of anxious, obsessive negative thought patterns.

And I agree bad counselling is worse than none. I’ve had both bad and good. The latter has been transformative. Please don’t give up seeking help.

I doubt you are a horrible person, more likely just utterly drained and let down.

Those are some seriously heavy shifts. When was the last time you took a day and did something you really like or just something new? Book a dry skiing lesson. Or a clay shooting lesson. Something just for you. Get some sunshine.
Little things.

I give a fuck.

I’ve had terrible things done to my body which mean I am intentionally lonely. I go to church which means when I go the shops, people say hello as I pass them.

I have a hamster so I have someone to say hello to when I get home.

Is there any way of cutting your hours? Maybe you would be entitled to universal credit if you worked less hours? Way preferable to working yourself into the ground and having no time to yourself.

Please please don't even consider killing yourself. Even if you say no-one will miss you, you never know what tomorrow will bring. Don't give up hope.

Prole

And Chickenish .

When things feel particularly dark Samaritans are there for a chat. Also do text, email or you can visit.