Have the Samaritans changed their training?

[Spidersbaby]

Over the years I've rung the Samaritans at times when I've been feeling overwhelmed or lonely and found it really helpful to talk things through. Recently, I've had a huge amount on my plate with an impending death in the family, starting my own business, children doing public exams and my own anxiety. So I've contacted them a couple of times. Both times the person barely said a thing. Now I know that they shouldn't tell you what to do or what to think, but really if they don't say anything at all to show they're engaged with what's going on for you, then there worse than useless in my view. It's like you might as well talk to yourself.

Surely the whole point is that you feel there's someone there for you, who understands what you're going through. Both times I've called I've saiid are you still there? Just to give them a hint that I wanted a bit more interaction and they've said oh I was just listening to you. And then not said anything again! For someone who is feeling lonely and not heard it's quite damaging. I hope it's just a couple of people and not their training methods as it's putting me off calling again when it was a really valuable safety valve to know there was someone I could talk to if I really needed it.

I used the email service and it was useless.

I think something has changed. They used to be lovely, but the last few people I’ve called have completely lacked compassion. And yes to the silence thing - it makes you feel so stupid. But maybe it was just bad luck. I don’t call any more though.

I've done training with them about 2 years ago and they really went over how important silence was as they though it made people share more information. I've heard very negative things about them recently.

Hope you're ok OP

Chocolatebuttonsandcheese it does sound like it's really a deliberate policy then. It really doesn't work for me at all. When you ring somewhere like that up you don't just need to be listened to, although that's important obviously, you want to be supported and heard. I just felt like there was no one there for me at all.

It made it worse because it just so happens that the people that I'd normally turn to are also struggling at the moment. My husband's losing a parent, my sibling lost a child recently, my closest friend is supporting someone else who's losing a child too. It feels like I've got no one to turn to and it's very lonely and I'm not coping very well.

It's such a letdown to have an organisation that has always really helped me in the past, now letting me down.

Both times there was silence for a few minutes. I'd had more than enough time to speak if I'd wanted to. I just gave up in the end.

Sounds like they are adopting a more psychodynamic approach. It's a valid approach but may not suit everyone.

Sorry to hear you are finding things difficult at the moment, sounds like there is a lot going on for you all at once.

Leaving silence for a few minutes mid-conversation certainly isn’t part of Samaritans training. Unless you were extremely emotional in which case the listener may let the caller know that they are still there and ready to support them when they feel able to talk.

As with all organisations, every volunteer works in a slightly different way, and some callers may prefer that approach. There is ongoing mentoring and training throughout the year so they will be told if the way they are working doesn’t seem helpful to the caller.

Unfortunately WildRumpy they didn't let me know they were still there or ready support me. They just went silent. They didn't ask me my name or say anything when I called up either as has happened previously (you could always give a false name or say you'd rather not say but if felt more personal).

How do they know whether it seems helpful to the caller as they don't ask for feedback? It seemed quite obvious it didn't work for me as I asked them if they were still there! Then still nothing. I'm just really disappointed as in the past it was much more of a conversation where they were more engaged and I felt really listened to. Active listening is far more effective where the person shows they're really listening than just a passive silence where you might as well be talking to the wall.

I'd heard people say before that they don't bother with the Samaritans because they're useless and I've never got it before but I'm beginning to understand why.

I've rung a few times over the years and my experience has always been different but I've put that down to the individual. I last rang before Christmas and had what felt like a conversation rather than too much silence.

I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time op

Silence is valued within the a Samaritans’s. The ethos is that callers may have people advising and telling and recommending what to do and giving advice. The Samaritans place a value on allowing people to talk without interruption. This isn’t an easy thing to do. Perhaps your listeners were new or not very good! It does happen.
Please don’t let it put you off. The Samaritans are a fantastic organisation who really care about their callers but like most people- don’t always get it right!

Maybe I've just been unlucky Doyoumind with two people in a row. It might just be the particular individuals. I hope it's not the training as I can't believe the majority of people find silence to be supportive or caring in any way. Giving people space to speak is a completely different thing.

I did my training a few years ago and 'silence' wasn't emphasised at all, but 'listening' was. It's really hard to differentiate those things over the phone though and while the person might have been trying to encourage you to share more by leaving space, they really should have been engaging with you to do that.

I wish I'd spoken to you then Mistermagpie! And no they weren't engaging with me. I'm wondering whether they just didn't know what to say. I haven't put all the details in because it would be too outing but it's a sad story. The thing is though I wouldn't have rung up if I hadn't wanted some kind of human interaction.

Hi Spider, I too have hadn’t cause to call and speak with them. It was last year due to something I had been going through and felt I couldn’t share with anyone I knew. The first two times I got through to two men, one I found a waste of time and I knew he’d not be able to help me, the other ok but a bit ‘old in the tooth’ (he did say as much to me which at the time made me laugh) then a third time I got through to a lovely lady who proved very helpful. She made me see things from another angle and did make me feel better. I only wish I could have spoken to her again but I got the impression calls came from all over the place, so really zero chance. I hope your ok now but if your not didn’t want you to give up perhaps trying again, with someone who can at least give a bit of advice and a listening ear.

Thanks Gaynor excuse the name change!

Sorry to hear you've had some difficult times.

I suppose I worry that some people might give up after the first negative experience.

I'm feeling much better now after a mixture of being kind to myself and keeping busy. But interesting how you found the same as me that someone who actively listens, gives another perspective and helps is much more useful than someone who is just a sounding board.

I don't want to give the impression that I don't value the service they offer. On the contrary they can literally be lifesavers. But being a bit proactive is an important part of that in my view.

Exactly the same experience, I used to get a n enormous amount of help from talking with them and had some very helpful chats, now days they all sound about 20 years old and they are hardly allowed to speak. Literally they just listen with no response. It must be part of this new pc correct world. I tried calling just last week again got a person who sounded almost school age and had absolutely no input at all.

I have read that many centres (where they work from ?) are closing and as a result many volunteers will work on their own (presumably from their homes ) are concerned about not being able to off load if they need to about conversations / clients they have had contact them.

I wonder if that is perhaps why they are so quiet etc. They are guarded to protect their own emotions I mean