DH likes to keep tight rein on money

[Appleholic]

Always had arguments about money. I like to enjoy it and save bit. He likes to hold onto it and spend on gadgets for home/ etc. I pay 2 bills and put small amount towards food, work part time. Get child tax credit, child benefit, and DLA. He pays all bills on home. I pay for leisure/ holidays.

We have separate finances. He hasn't wanted joint account, as says I like to spend more. I have no debt or overdraft.
He writes everything down he's spent more or less. Quotes back if he's spent towards holidays food etc. He feels I get an easy ride, as I have benefit money for kids paid to me plus my wage. And he pays all utility bills etc. He earns double what I do.

Do you do all the childcare too?

You need a joint bank account and a proper budget that you both stick to otherwise you're going to both end up feeling resentful.
DH and I pay both of our salaries and any other income into one joint account. That account pays for all household expenditures (including household tech). We then give ourselves an equal amount of money each into our own accounts to spend as we wish (clothes, coffees etc).
He tends to save most months whereas I'm on the bones of my arse at the end of most months but that's because I like spending and he likes saving. This makes everything equal and takes away any stress about one person earning more than another.

Had discussion again last year, when I mentioned about joint account, he surprised me and agreed then spent all afternoon, making sarky comments about me taking control of it and giving him him spending money.he was Etc by the end of that I decided to keep things as they are. He said he could then see all the benefit money I have and it would be then be shared, and said I wouldn't like that but he would.

He resents me knowing all of the finances, which is why he accuses me of being mistrustful. He likes to be in charge of finances as its his biggest anxiety.

If you’re both contributing proportionately and you have money to save for holidays etc, does it really matter? Ideally they would be shared, but if one was going without whilst the other was spending frivolously then that’s not necessarily fair; but if you aren’t going without is it something you can deal with?

Neither are going without, he prefers to save more than spend. I spend more and save some. Just curious how other people are with money.

As long as you’re not struggling and have to ‘ask’ him for money then maybe that’s what matters? Shared finances sometimes can be more controlled especially if the other person audits every £ spent and questions it.

DH and I both have totally visibility and access to the joint account. DH likes to know every little detail of what goes in and what goes out so I tend to have a nose every few days but mainly leave it up to him. If your DH feels that you're a bit of a spendthrift it might reassure him that you'll only be spending for you out of your own money rather than joint money.

When you say he earns twice what you do, is that gross or net? If it's gross then he may well be a higher rate taxpayer as well meaning that your PT wage plus three different benefits might not be a million miles away from what he brings home - yet he's also expected to pay most of the bills and food.

We do what a PP said, I work part time, DH works full time. Our salaries are paid into our individual accounts and we transfer month into the joint account to cover all family bills and expenses, and we are both left with the same amount for luxuries. A small amount goes into joint savings each month from the joint pool. It works for us and seems the fairest way.

We transfer money*