Lost and not sure who I am any more

[medbeach]

I'm not sure if any of you can help but feeling really lost. I have a 16 month old daughter to look after whilst dealing with Psoriatic Arthritis that's worse since having her, my husband's on a training course over the other side of the world to be an airline pilot, with me stuck at home for a year by myself, I'm unable to walk great distances and can't drive at the moment so getting out is really difficult. I have good inlaws living near so that's some relief but my other friends with kids work. I went to a baby group the other day which was really physically hard to get to, then felt like people were just agnoring us despite making an effort to be friendly - I guess it'll get better the more we go. Anyway,feeling absolutely fed up, and angry quite honestly at my husband going so far away for so long, have to wait 'til xmas to see him. We were going to go as a family but then the drugs stopped working and the visa wasn't allowed for the whole year. I used to do so much in the way of hobbies, like gardening, playing tennis,riding my bike, painting, playing keyboard etc and have given up so much in having daughter and through being unwell. Don't get me wrong, she is adorable, but somehow I feel robbed of who I am - even chopped down and threw away my banana tree in the kitchen to make way for her changer as there was no room. Am I just being selfish for wanting more for myself? I know my hubby really loves us and just wants to provide and make us happy but it feels like it's at my sacrifice, whether I like it or not. I took my wedding rings off earlier in frustration after a web cam call when I felt down, and feel like packing a suitcase and flying off into the sun somewhere and not coming back.

As usual, don't know what to say, but couldn't read your post and not answer. You are definitely not unreasonable in feeling low, you have a lot to cope with. I don't even have a clue what your condition is but you must feel so incredibly stuck. What kind of medical help are you having? Is there any prospect of improvement? There will be people on here you can talk to, but what are the prospects of finding someone to come and visit you occasionally?
Did your husband realise how difficult your condition would be before he left? If not, he must be feeling quite upset about the whole thing too.
Hope you will feel able to keep posting

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. I'm sure the baby group will get better the more you go. Where's your husband? Is it possible for him to visit or you to go there for a hol?

My husband's in New Zealand so it's not as if I can just pop over for a holiday. I think just the 24hr flight would swell my joints up like melons. I've had hospital treatment for 16 years and we've been married for 8 so he was well aware of the things I'd have to deal with before leaving. I was on a very strong drug that needed to be injected and it stopped working and now I'm going back to my GP to ask to see another specialist as the new one I have is hopeless as she will not explain or discuss anything. Being a pilot is a great ambition of his so it wasn't as if I could just ask him to give it all up for me. He had a well paid job in IT but wasn't happy.

Hi Medbeach

Just wondering how you're getting on?

my ex wanted to be a pilot
we were broke at the time with a young daughter
is he just chasing a dream
i hope you can find some strengh to deal with everything

my DH is a pilot works in airlines and corporate not sure I can sat anything of great help though,
Its a dream they have which costs a fortune my DH has been flying for years and he still has to go away on recurrent training every 12 months or if he wants to fly a different aircraft eg sep away for 5 weeks

my only advice is find a way to cope as a single entity even though you have him we have moved many times to make way for his career and I fel its at my sacrifice too we have 3 children and live miles away from family I know he loves us though as I'm sure your DH loves you

on a lighter note where is he training/working can he come and do the training back here in England or work here DH knows lots of people in the industry or if y1ou need a chat you can mail me

I posted on here once about DH but people think I should be lucky married to a pilot lttle do they know

I can sort of understand some of what your going through but from a different perspective. My mum had my youngest sister (who is now 25)at 31 and basically after the birth was diagnosed with rhumitiod arthritis which left her arms and legs extremly painful which totally restricted . For the last 15 years she has become bedridden. It is really hard for my younger sisters to remember her as a mum, unlike me who remembers her taking me to the park etc. My dads support was amazing, as he practically gave up his life to care for my mum, and it has been really hard as he passed away 3 years ago and the responsability has passed onto us their 3 daughters....which is extremly hard as she is extremly depressed and emotionally unpredictable, understandibly. Her sisters and brothers (13 of them) who live up north do not help...apart from one who is nice, however mum gives her money whenever she is down, which seems to have become an attraction for more visits which is a shame. I have nice memorys of my mum however my sisters don't as they remember everything being arguments and resentment......good luck and your husband needs to understand that u and ur child need him, its not fair on you, good luck and I dont mean this to be too long!

Hi it's medbeach here. Thanks for caring about me and wanting to help. Last time I posted I was really down, but since I've managed to get myself together and am trying to keep busy. Yesterday was a highlight as my inlaws took myself and my daughter out to get her first pair of shoes. She looked so cute in them and already they're helping her to stand better as she's still learning to walk. My hubby's back at xmas for several weeks break, and if my health's better we could all go back to NZ in the new year for a few months of the course before continuing the pilot training back here in the UK. I agree with you peanutbear that I'm gonna have to do more of my own thing in order to cope with the flying. People tend to think of the money and all that but it's not so glamorous is it, although he wants to do short haul from the UK to europe rather than long haul. Does your husband work in America? The course he's on places students in jobs in most cases before they even finish the course, as they train according to need. In regard to my health there's two sides as despite the hardship in some ways the financial gain could afford me healthcare as the NHS here is rubbish. It's really let me down lately. We plan to get a spa as that helps ease my joints up. Anyway, must get to bed as late and have to get up the stairs as stairlift too loud this time of night.

Yuk another crappy start to the day - just what I needed! I know it's because I'm very unhappy and feel trapped. Silly how little things can get ontop of you - in this case discussing my hubby getting a second hand car in nz, not to spend too much as we haven't the money with all the flying debt to come, and guess what he's ignored common sense and bought one costing £3,000. It was only meant to be a run around for 9 mths- yet another decision I don't feature in. Parenting is hard enough without having to look at doing it on your own when you've devoted the last 8 years to your other half and somehow you're not appreciated. If Daniel Craig(the new James Bond) came and wisked me off my feet I'm sure I wouldn't say no!mmm dream on!

You poor thing, I'm in a different situation but nevertheless understand how you feel. The only thing I've found that helps me is just take one day at a time and not think about the months til xmas when you can see DH, as you will deffo feel diwn if you think like that.

Have you tried to get some help like a 'mother's help', just e few hours a week would meke a difference.

Good Luck!