Help please

[Rolypolypie]

I've been signed off work for a bit, due to depression and anxiety. Things had got overwhelming to the point where I was worried about snapping.

But being off work feels like torture. I have lots of time to google all the worst case scenarios, like being sacked and losing my house etc. Part of me wants to go back tomorrow, despite the doctor's note, and part of me wants to resign now and never go back again. But we need my income really, and it feels too much of a risk to hope something comes along.

My fluoxetine dose has been doubled, but will it take time to work? And what should I do in the meantime - go back before the sick note ends, just to prove to myself that I'm not getting sacked? I have small children, so I have to try and be same for them.

Don't go back before you're ready. I'm signed off at the moment for the same reason. Do you know when you'll get paid until? I think your anxiety is telling you to go back, the real you is saying you're not ready.

Does your workplace make your anxiety worse? Is it worth looking for a less stressful job for the future?
Take the time off, you need it ❤️

Sorry to hear you’re not feeling well. Have your workplace got Occupational health where you could be referred to? x

Thank you, all. Work is definitely making things worse - I think it's been the perfect storm of poor mental health and some workplace bullying (which I don't want to report, because I know it will come back worse on me). Gosh - I sound like a complete failure, don't I?

Anyway, after getting upset at work this week, I began to worry about how I would respond if anything else happened, and so got signed off. But it's making my anxiety worse - I keep wondering if I will be in trouble when I return. My DH wants me to just hand in my notice, but it feels like the end of my career and I'm frightened we won't keep the house if we run out of money.

Ps I am looking for new jobs, but am sort of in limbo while off sick, as I can't really apply. Is Occupational Health useful, or will it be another sign of my failure on record?

You don't sound like a failure at all.

You sound like someone at the end of their tether who needs a rest. Are there any things you enjoy that you can fill your time with whilst you're signed off which are sufficiently distracting? When I've been in your shoes, on good days I went for long walks or for a swim or had a massage. On a bad day where I didn't want to leave the house, I did a lot of cleaning and watched upbeat movies that I've seen before. I very often turned off my phone and put my laptop away in a cupboard so I can't relentlessly google and make myself feel worse, because you can't find a guarantee of the future, which is what anxiety pushes you to look for but it's impossible.

If you've only just doubled your medication dose, it will take a short while for you to feel the full benefit.

Occupational health I think could really help you. They are impartial so will give good advice and support hopefully. Worth giving them a try.
You will get through this , most people need some sort of support at some point in their lives x

It sounds like your anxiety is overwhelming. I do get it, I was worse in the week after I got signed off with similar thoughts butane thought i should go back but now I've got some distance from work I can see things much more clearly. Give yourself time. Do you have a HR department you can talk to?

Thank you all for your help. Today has felt endless, and it's only day 2 of the sick note. I just want to go back to work and get back to normal, but now I've highlighted my instability to management, I feel like nothing will ever be normal again. I think being signed off is the silliest thing I've done. I just want to go back and pretend nothing happened. I can't carry on like this for two weeks.

I am worried about what is happened at work when I'm not there to feel like I can control anything, and I have no friends at work to speak to informally.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Look at this period as a blip and one you will get over. You’re not unstable , you’re just feeling cerwhelmed at the moment and that’s the difference.
Just concentrate on you at the moment and don’t worry what other people think - chances are they all have stuff going on on their own lives too.
Seriously consider Occupational health, they can help you and advise management when you’re fit to return up work. Occ health advisors are nurses first and foremost so are best placed to support you with regard to work.