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Mental health

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Original poster

Feeling really low...

18 replies

JoeAverage · 03/07/2007 09:05

Don't know what is the matter with me at the moment. Background is that I suffer with hormonal depression but am taking Citalopram which has been working really well up to now.

For the past week I have been feeling more and more low. I just want to burst into tears all the time at the moment.

I have a 6 month old DS who I absolutely adore but it is driving me mad being stuck in the house with him all the time. I go back to work in 7 weeks for three days per week and feel terribly guilty for partially looking forward to it. Just thinking that makes me want to cry - surely I should be happy looking after my DS all day every day?

We have no family living where we are so although I see them regularly there is no one about that could take DS off my hands every now and again so I canhave some me time.

DH is fabulous and such a good father but even he doesn't seem to realise that sometimes, on his days off, I would like him to offer to take DS out for a bit so I can just enjoy a bit of time to myself.

God I am really confused as to why I feel like this. I feel like I am being a really bad mother and I think in turn that is making me feel more low.

OP posts:

talcy0 · 03/07/2007 09:17

Hi joeavrage......sounds like you nneed visit to gp first to rule out more hormone probs..... you feel like this, also suffered with hormone depression and PND in the past.....try not to beat yourself up over it all......i do hope you get help and things get betterx

iamasurvivor · 03/07/2007 09:21

hi joe, i feel for you honey. are you stuck in with ds because of money, nothing to do, weather. do you live in a surestart area? if you do they usually have all sorts of groups and activities that you can access i.e baby massage, mums & tots groups. also if they have a creche you may be able to get a place for a couple of hours one day a week for your ds to give you some time out.
i think you know that you need to talk to dh about sharing some of the childcare, dont expect him to just assume that you need some down time, you need to tell him (men arent very perceptive)
i dreaded going back to work when i had my dd but it soon became a relief to have some adult company.
what area are you from???

Original poster

JoeAverage · 03/07/2007 09:24

Stuck in with DS cos nothing to do and the weather is shite.

We do have a SureStart center but it is in a fairly deprived area and the people that access it aren't my kind of people, have been a couple of times but I don't fit in IYKWIM.

I live in Lincoln.

I'm sure I'll be fine but DS is teething too so is really whingy which gets really annoying after a full day of it and bad nights sleep.

OP posts:

Professorfilthymindedvixen · 03/07/2007 09:41

going back to work is nothing to feel guilty about. For many people ity's a relief to get back to familiar things whcih one is in control of...a routine and adult company!

And at work, one gets a lunch break and is able to go to the loo unaccompanied

Staying at home is not for everyone.

Hope you can make dh see how important it is for you to have some non-mummy time and I hope you feel better soon.

reikizen · 03/07/2007 09:45

I too am looking forward to going back and it's nothing to feel guilty about believe me! This is my second maternity leave and it's driving me crazy! I am concerned that you think perfectly normal feelings make you a bad mother. I've worked for social services and I can assure you I've seen some 'bad mothers' my time!
Calpol/neuronfen for teething. Stopping your son's pain doesn't mad you a bad mother either.
With DD1 I took her to a creche while I went swimming etc, see if there is one near you. State the bloody obvious with your DH. Annoyingly they can't read your mind.
Just remember, looking after children is hard work, it can be mind numbingly boring and most days it drives you demented.

flibbertyjibbet · 03/07/2007 10:08

In December after 7 months of my 2nd maternity leave I was ssooo stressed and depressed. Part of the problem was that we don't have any family nearby to help either, and 2 under 2 is hard with no support. I was going back to work on 7th Jan and knew it would do me good. I just needed something to help me a bit of sleep in the run up to work as when I get stressed I can't sleep. Doc insisted that Iwas in no fit state to think about returning to work and said I needed at least a couple more months off!!! I went back anyway without telling him, and by 10am in my nice office job supping my first warm brew in months and able to speak without a toddler and baby shouting over me, I just felt all the stress melt away and the depression was soon on its way too being back with my friends at work and being able to, well PLAN my day. Nip out at luncthime without 2 hours of planning and 2 kids to organise... I did tell my manager that I might be a bit emotional or stressed at first though just in case. Don't be guilty about looking forward to going back to work. Now I work 3 days and we have fun the other days. From september to december it was just shit for 7 days and no one had any fun at all. I am not a bad mother, no one was more surprised than I that I didn't want to just stay at home being a fab mummy.
YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER!!! Cos if you are, then that makes me one as well.

Professorfilthymindedvixen · 03/07/2007 10:25

oh yes, meant to add, a little absence does make the heart grow fonder so IME, working p/t is perfect; the days when you are with your child, you feel so happy and delighted to be with them..

Original poster

JoeAverage · 03/07/2007 12:17

Thank you - that makes me feel loads better. I guess I just had in my mind this blissful perfect staying at home scenario with a perfect child that never whinged and cried, who would happily sit and play whilst I got on and did housework......erm no. It just doesn't happen like that and I guess the reality is hard to face because it is nothing like the dream.

I adore my DS but am looking forward to some adult company and like you said FJ, being able to have my lunch hour for me, make a cuppa and actually getting round to drinking it.

Thank you so much, I really do feel better now. xx

OP posts:

shagirl · 03/07/2007 13:27

Hi Joeaverage - was very interested to see you suffer from 'hormonal depression', I firmly feel that I do but do not seem to be able to get any doctors to recognise this fact. I came off ad's about 5 weeks ago but am now starting to show signs of the suffocation type feelings that you have described by being at home with a little one. I am at the point of thinking of going back to GP but it's like banging my head against a brick wall!!

Original poster

JoeAverage · 03/07/2007 14:26

Shagirl - it took 10 years (!!!!) for a GP to recognise what I had and give me ADs to help. I tried counselling and everything (which clearly wasn't going to help as it is hormonal) before the breakthrough with this GP.

I started with it at about 15 years old and used to get it for anywhere from 2-14 days out of each monthly cycle which is a nightmare. I have attached a link here which explains PMDD in more detail. May be worth printing off to show your GP if this is what you think you have and you relate to the symptoms.

If you want to CAT me for more info please do so.

It is awful and the ADs realy help. I take 20mg of Citalopram every day. I was taking the same dose of Fluoxetine (Prozac) but got quite bad side effects so switched a couple of months ago and generally speaking they are working wonders.

Think this morning was a bit of an off morning as it is pouring here again, I am on my owm all day but am feeling a bit perkier now...

HTH xx

OP posts:

talcy0 · 03/07/2007 16:10

please you feeling bit happier joeaverage.x

twoisplenty · 03/07/2007 16:27

Joe, I remember feeling the same when my ds was very young. My dh told me that he would have felt the same if he had a job to do that he loved, but had to do it 24 hrs per day, 7 days per week with absolutely no time off. He said that everybody deserves and needs time off to do what you please, and rest.

I saw the light and began to ensure that I had time to read, or just go for a walk etc, and to do this I gave my ds to my dh for an hour every other night, and some time at the weekend too. It made a massive difference. It also gave me time to think about how to get more out of my day. I found a creche for my ds, and went swimming. And found a baby/toddler group to make friends.

And...my ds is now 8yo, and I have a 3yo dd, and it does get better!

iamasurvivor · 03/07/2007 16:40

joe, i still dont get much chance to do housework and my dd is 3 yrs old.

i felt the same as you did when i first went to my local surestart, its easy to make judgements based on first impressions but often if you give people a chance they will surprise you. the one thing that you will all have in common is your children. i dont actually live in a surestart area but i do and have accessed it. some of the most valuable parenting advice i have got has been from mums i have met at surestart. and now 3 yrs later i am both a volunteer and a breastfeeding counsellor for them.

i am pleased that you are starting to feel a bit more reassured.

shagirl · 03/07/2007 20:12

Thanks for the link Joe - it's made more really determined to go & show my gp, like you I have also been offered counselling but it has just been a waste of time!
You must excuse my igorance but how do you actually CAT some-one???
Glad you've perked up a bit - this weather isn't one bit of help is it?

MrsGolfPro · 03/07/2007 21:33

Not sure shagirl but my email is wilkbert @ ntlworld . com (without the spaces) x

jamie18 · 04/07/2007 18:44

hi i have just turned 18 and have a 5month old baby girl. dont get me wrong i love her to bits. but just lately i have been feeling really low. my friends have all stoped coming round or even ringing/texting me. i hardly get out. and dont know any young mums. not sure weather to go to the doctors? any advice? if any one fanceys a chat email me: [email protected]

MrsGolfPro · 04/07/2007 19:33

Jamie are you on MSN? I am on the email below (I am also JoeAverage BTW - just using a different name today) xx

jamie18 · 04/07/2007 19:54

yes i am i its just [email protected]
is it ok if i add u?

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