Hi
First time poster.
I don't know where to start really.
I feel so overwhelmed right now I don't know how to cope.
My husband and I are expecting our first child. He/she was very much an oops baby and children were never part of our life plan. When we first found out, husband very much wanted to terminate. I thought for weeks a out it and just couldn't bring myself to do it. He supported this and said it was my choice and he'd be ok with whatever I chose. He works away a lot, 4 weeks away, 3 weeks home.
Everyone is so happy for us, but I feel numb. 17 weeks in and I'm not excited. I cry and panic daily. I feel overwhelmed when I think about my new life, money, work etc. I already work a stressful job where I've had little to no support.
The other day I stood at the top of the stairs and thought about chucking myself down them just to get injure myself enough to get some time off to stop and evaluate everything. I ended up in A&E after collapsing at work this week. I'm not sure how much more I can cope with. Small tasks that used to take me half an hour, now take me ages. I can't concentrate. I'm behind in work, getting moaned at by management, expected to be so cheerful by all my friends and family... I'm not sleeping, barely eating...
I've always been seen as the strong one. So many friends have come to me with mental health problems and I've always been there. Now I'm the one struggling. I feel weak, stupid, ungrateful and so tired.
I don't know what I want from this. Support? To hear others have felt similar? Advice. I don't know. I just don't want to feel like this anymore.