Being kind to yourself

[lostvoice]

Basically that really.

I'm currently on antidepressants for pnd, there's been a big family fall out and I haven't really processed how I feel about the huge family split, and I've started not one but two new jobs straight out mat leave.

I had a big presentation today, I feel like it went terrible. But I also know I'm possibly being my own worst critic.

Any advice on keeping my self positive? I really don't want to run away from this job, it's ideal but struggling with self doubt. But it's just such a change, and in struggling to adapt to the pace

TIA x

Hi Lost voice,

I think the fact that you have actually gone ahead and done the presentation whist having PND AND on anti-depressants AND coping with the family split AND the second job shows how strong and determined you are. How many people do you think could cope with all those things? I couldn't, and there is no way I would have gone ahead with the presentation.

Even if it went terrible (which it didn't sound like it did or else you would have known for sure), you have done amazing just to prepare it, never mind deliver it!

You are being really hard on yourself, don't be. Take a step back if you need to, take a job with less pressure. If you are worried about other colleagues thinking you are not up tp the job etc, maybe slip it in discretly - that fact you are having a hard time. If anyone mentions it, you could say something like, "I'm a bit disappointed about my performance, I usually deliver fabulous presentations, I have a lot going on at home atm and its affecting me more that I imagined it would. But it won't last forever and I'm sure I'm be on form again". I know that sounds a bit lame, but you know what I mean. As its a new job you probably don't know your work colleagues well enough to tell them personal stuff yet, but hopefully you will.

Give yourself time, new jobs are hard enough as it is when everything is going perfect.

xx

@Mycroft8787 thanks for your message

You're right and I do keep trying to tell myself what I'm doing is hard for anyone really

I have done some more since then and they are getting better,

I'd really like to keep going in this role because long term it fits so well with what I want and need, so maybe that just adds to me being hard on myself!

Don’t put the extra pressure on yourself, and give yourself time. Sounds like you’re getting there already.

Good luck!

@lostvoice You seem to be pushing yourself so hard. One way to be kind to yourself would be to step down without any guilt or self-recrimination, if you think you've taken on too much. In fact, being kind to yourself, you might try to feel really proud of yourself for making a decision in your own favour for once.

Do you know any CBT? It would be kind to use that with regard to the presentation. (Stuff like: It may not have been perfect but I didn;t actually throw bricks at my colleagues. I did remember this section and that person asked a question at the end. I'm proud of myself for doing it at all at this incredibly challenging time in my life. And if it turns out that it was as bad as I thought I can thank whoever gives me the feedback, tell them I agree with their review and ask them for some tips for next time.)

With family, just take a deep breath and step away. Don't involve yourself in anyone else's drama and don;t rise to the bait if they try to make you create some drama. Keep your distance if things are volatile. If they want to talk, be very direct about your own needs right now and refuse to be drawn into anything that you can't handle, including any guilt manipulation such as 'Your mother is really upset at blah blah blah." Just say: 'So am I. We both need space. I have to go and look after the baby now. We'll speak soon.'

Remember the basics too: give yourself time to shower or bathe. Eat healthy, nutritious food. Get some comfortable new work clothes that are easy to maintain and versatile, and that make you feel good and professional at what you do so you don't have to worry about that.

Are you still sleep deprived? If so, take turns with your DP if they're around, to have a full night's sleep.

Good luck with your work.

Hi all,

Just wanted to give a quick update if that's okay

I've settled in my new jobs, and actually really enjoy the one linked to the presentations, even considering increasing my work there

This week I have stopped my antidepressants completely after reducing them over the last few weeks, and feeling pretty good

I've lost weight over the last few months too and reduced my drinking, so feeling overall pretty good, and today I treated myself to a manicure

Still taking each day in my stride, but feel I'm in a much better place than 6 months ago

Thank you for your kind words x

Hi @lostvoice

I wasn't here for the original posts but just wanted to say I'm so happy things are going well for you. It's very nice that you came back to tell everyone too as often people forget.

Xxx