I feel so lonely sometimes!

[Tillytoes1]

Hi,
For some time now I have felt so lonely, even as a child I was lonely. I have never been accepted into people’s social circles, when I’ve taken my daughter to places, I’m always the one that nobody talks to, even though I make an effort to be polite and talk to others. Maybe there are some changes I can make in my life, that may help me deal with loneliness.
Does anyone else feel the same and did you make any changes that helped?

TIA

Oh Tilly. I am sorry you are feeling lonely. There is no need to be lonely on here - lots of people to chat to.

No advice I am afraid. I just “fake it” and plant a huge smile on my face. People do chat.

I'm sorry you feel that way. I think loneliness affects people in so many different ways. I'm a single mum, surrounded by loving family and friends but it doesn't compare to the companionship of a loving relationship. No advice just know your not the only one who feels this way. I try to distract myself with keeping fit and listening to audio books xx hugs

I used to feel like this and nobody would ever guess, as soon as I realised that how I feel is about me and not that I am a beast who is unlovable--it all changed.
I have found out who I am and have a love for myself. And why not?
Don't hold yourself back, put yourself in situations where you can help people.
I worked on myself for a long time.
Now I am 100% happy and I have more than enough amazing friendships.
Take a risk put yourself out there just that little bit more and you will find your place.
Get involved ☺

Yes tilly I have felt all of the above, and still do! I guess I have learned to seek out people like me, I’m pretty normal I hasten to add
There will always be the popular type, who always have people flocking round them despite them not being particularly nice

I don’t think you need to make changes to you, I think you need to look at your thought processes. You see, people cannot dislike you if they don’t know you, so it’s nothing to do with who you are.

The school gate is probably the worst example of cliquey. You will find them huddled together, ignoring everyone who doesn’t fit their criteria, don’t worry, you don’t want to fit it!

I’m older now, but still have those feelings, I manage them better. Friendships take time to build up, you need to be consistent and constant. Find a group which is specifically for friendship, or where nice people go, walking groups are one. Have you thought about volunteering? Nice people, friendly, and, depending on her age, your DD may be able to go too.

There are some very good people out there OP, look in different places for company.

Thank you all for your replies. I often wonder if it stems from when I was a child, my mum left us when I was 9, leaving my dad to care for me and my sister and from then on there was always a loneliness I felt, I saw my mum three times a year with little communication in between, which was done via letters. My dad spent most weekend evenings down the pub and was reliant on alcohol, my sister was always out of the house, as she was older than me and i was often left alone and I always remember that loneliness of having no one around me. I will aim to do more this year.

Sounds like a course of counselling might help. Your mum leaving is an awful thing to happen to you. You must be carrying around such feelings about it which are impacting you now.

Counselling is something I should have definitely had. I have fought a lot of battles with my childhood myself and I have moved forward and forgiven/forgotten a lot of what happened. There’s just always a loneliness I have that I can’t overcome.

I can identify with that feeling too. I have always felt on the periphery of everything, always the outsider. My parents divorced when I was 9, my siblings were all older than me. I was an ‘accident’ (my words) as there’s an 8 year gap between me and my next sibling. They all had around 2 years or less between them, so I felt very much like an only child. I do believe this has caused my intrinsic loneliness, and my feelings of exclusion/isolation. If I had been an only child, I wouldn’t have had anyone else to be excluded from, but having brothers and sisters you weren’t part of, makes me feel this way. I feel like I was the ‘forgotten’ child. My dad (by all accounts) was not a nice man, and they all left home as soon as they could, this left me and my mum who I was very close to, and emotionally reliant on.

I have had a bit of counselling in the latter years, but I’ve pretty much come to this conclusion myself, however, I’d advise you to have some to try to make sense of it all.

It is not a nice feeling OP but if you understand why, it does help.

I am surrounded by people and appear to be happy, but there are many times when I feel acutely alone and detached. These feelings coincide with the low moods that I periodically experience although no one would know as I have become an expert at showing a fake persona to the world. All of which I am sure is completely unhealthy. I agree with advice from @CelebratingMyOwnSelf and @Itsallpointless. Adult friendships do take more time and commitment to develop but you also have to be in a good place yourself to accept someone into your life. I am trying to work on myself and get to a place where I have a love for myself and can enjoy my life rather than just get through it. Good luck OP

Please don't feel lonely as you are not alone