Feeling detached

[Believeitornot]

I’ve never posted in this section before and not really sure what to expect.

But I feel I need help. We’ve got a lot of stress at home, me and DH. He’s at possible risk of redundancy, he’s been signed off work with stress and is looking at jobs with a 20% pay cut. This means I’m going to have to look for much higher paid jobs - I’m currently on a career break as the stress of work and motherhood was too much and over the last two years I kept getting ill, couldn’t shake it off and had awful mood swings which I’d take out on the dcs especially by shouting and having little patience.
Since I stopped working, things felt so much better. I felt better mentally than I’ve done in years.
Since dh has been off sick, he kind of assumed I’d just have to go back to the level I was working at before. Basically dealing with everything relating to the kids and a stressful senior level career.
Since then I’ve just been numb. Detached from my feelings because every time I go there, I get upset, angry and just can’t deal with it. My period was delayed for three weeks from the stress.

Today FIL asked how I was and I struggled not to cry and brushed over it. I then felt pressure and later in the day, just got so wound up and couldn’t deal with the dcs messing about. Cue shouting at them again.

Has anyone got any suggestions for coping? I’ve realised that I need to be able to deal with stress and not resort to shouting. I also need to find a way to express my feelings - I’m quite detached from dh because I don’t want it to be about me. He’s the one going through the shit.

Thanks and sorry for the ramble.

I think it's finding an outlet to start allowing and expressing some feelings and releasing some of the emotions and tension. You could start this in several ways - maybe by just expressing to your husband you see how he needs time off, but that you both also must take into account your own needs and your care of the children - don't ignore your own needs. Also speak to a friend or family member to start vocalising what you feel. For more in depth ways of managing your emotions and stress I would say look at websites such as MIND, start mindfulness for eg on a daily walk, and seek counselling therapy for CBT and mindfulness approaches. Self care all the way - treat yourself as if you matter, care for yourself, eat well, be your own friend. The Samaritans can talk through issues and you don't have to be suicidal. I have spoken to them when I feel overwhelmed and they listen and listen.

How did you end up doing all the child related stuff?

While you’re both off work everything child and house related can be 50/50. Get into good routines. Accept that he will do things differently and make mistakes. He needs to find his own way.

Tell him what your plans are career wise bearing in mind 50% child care and house running on his part. Then tell him your career plans without 50% child/house on his part. Be very clear that about not taking on a stressful career while doing all the childcare and house running