Hi everyone
Just posting for a brain dump I guess.
I’ve suffered from anxiety since I was 18 and nearly died in a serious accident. At the time no help was given even though I was diagnosed with PTSD. The PTSD moved into health anxiety that I managed to live with for many years.
When I had my first child I became very depressed during pregnancy and then had quite bad PND and health anxiety around my child until ( strangely) the birth of my second child 3 years later. Although the depression lightened a lot it still comes to me at times and the health anxiety remains.
The last few years I’ve had various quite difficult times to ge t through with no support. I have tried different psyhchomogists and seen psychiatrists and generally have sort of managed to cope. Certainly my anxiety lessened considerably.
Last year 6 months after my dad died after a short illness I discovered my husband had been having an affair and we separated. I thought I was managing ok all last year - my eldest DS (7) has really struggled which has taken the focus. I also have been on a really stressful project at work which is due to end in 4 weeks.
Since Xmas it feels like my anxiety and depression is coming back. I feel tearful a lot and have that background panic feeling most of the time. My youngest has a cold at the moment and I can tell I am starting to panic/over worry. It’s like the old difficulties are rising back up inside me again. And I feel so tired.
I’m scared about getting help though. I’m worried about the ex using it against me re the DC. I feel like I need just some time away from the DC to get myself together again but at the same time that thought terrifies me. Actually what I really need is time with the DC but with someone to support me but that won’t happen. The responsibility for them mai lay on my own ( ex sees them regularly but takes no responsibility) is feeling overwhelming. Similarly I am starting to feel like I cannot go into work - but at the same time to not finish a 2 year project so near the end seems terrible.
I don’t know it’s like deep down I know what I need to do and I can feel the warning signs in me but doing it feels unbearable.
Sorry I know I’m not making sense and that this is long 