What is this and how do I stop if?

[ronaldbiliusweasley]

Hopefully someone here knows what i mean and can help me as I try to google but can't quite describe it properly

I'll start off by saying I have trichotillomania and have done since I was young.

It's quite bad and I have almost no hair on my crown.

For the last few years I have also been doing this weird thing which feels almost like a tic.

The only way I can describe it is sort of like tensing my throat? A bit like when you open your throat up during a yawn.

But it's all the time. I do it constantly and I can't stop. My throat hurts from doing it.

I feel like I have no control over my body. I can't stop pulling my hair out. I can't stop doing this horrible tensing pushing thing with my throat.

Sometimes it's like my body has a mind of its own.

If anyone could offer advice that would be amazing.

Hopeful bump

Have you sought help for it before? What happened?
Is it habit or anxiety driven? I would say go to your GP ask for support, it fits more with anxiety then anything physical but they need to check that out

Hi.

I don't know if I have advice as such, just empathy. I have had trichotillomania since I was very young as well; unlike you, though, the hair on my head is the only kind I spare. I really feel for you if you have a bald spot from it, as it's quite bad enough going around with no eyelashes and eyebrows.

I have also had a tendency to perform compulsive actions that has evolved over the years, including doing funny movements within my throat, though I can't describe it and can't tell from your description if it was the same thing. I've also done things like clenching my jaw till it feels like my teeth will break, screwing my eyes up till I see stars and (one I have at the moment) taking such huge deep breaths that muscles in my neck are permanently sore. Sometimes I do them to "cut off" intrusive thoughts and sometimes it's just for the sake of it, but I can't stop, and I have to do them over and over until it feels "right".

I have severe OCD and these are part of that for me, I guess. Not saying you have OCD, but to me they sound more like a compulsive action than a truly involuntary tic that your muscles are performing spontaneously. I would go to your GP and describe the issue and say that it is causing you distress. Do your doctors know about the hair-pulling?

I can't give you advice on what might help you to reduce the behaviour, as nothing's worked for me. I have a lot of comorbid issues though; there are certainly treatments like therapy (usually CBT) and medication that are effective for a lot of people, and I would hope your GP would take this seriously enough to refer you to a service that could help.

Have you tried CBT?

Have you tried anxiety meds?

Both might help I think.

Thank you for both your replies.

I do have severe anxiety and a personality disorder.

Unfortunately I have never received support for this from the nhs.

The last time I tried was a year ago. I was told due to the severity of my mental health, (fully managed as I have two young children) but desperately needing professional help, I was told I was eligible for 30 sessions of psychotherapy and then cbt after that.

I waited 10 months for an appointment and then when I turned up, I was told it was 4 sessions and no cbt. The 4 sessions included the first session of discussing my history.

After the first session, the counsellor cancelled the next two sessions with less than an hours notice. And then quit her job. And they told me I would need to go back on the waiting list to wait for another counsellor.

I have tried to access help so much, and it always seems to go wrong.

I have anxiety related ocd. I have a lot of obsessive behaviours that come from my
Personality disorder and my ocd.

But I find going to the gp really challenging as I have two children with mild but constant heath issues and it feels unfair to ask for extra support for myself when i already use up so much nhs time for my children. Which I massively value of course.

When I was first diagnosed with my personality disorder, I was offered a specialist group therapy which was 3 days a week. This was completely unsustainable for me as I worked full time and was newly pregnant.

I've tried to get support from the health visitor service last month, but again it went wrong. I said I felt I needed counselling again to help me work through my anxiety. The heath visitor was lovely and said she would sort a referral.

And the next day was Saturday and at 11pm at night I received a call from the crisis care team saying they had an urgent crisis referral put in and that I was at risk to myself and my children. When I explained I definitely wasn't and explained what I was asking for, they said 'well that's not what we offer. You'll need to go to your gp' and closed the referral.

Before I had children I have had two stays in psychiatric hospital and I feel this tars my history and instead of focusing on the current problems and help I feel will help, I'm only offered stays in hospital or extreme doses of medication again.

I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. It's so hard asking for help and it feels like it always goes wrong.

I can't thank the nhs enough for their services but in this instance I have never been helped.

I feel like I'm holding myself together so well, but this causes severe sleep problems, anxiety over the tiniest things (planes going over head for example send my body into panic of bombs dropping', and also tearing out my own hair and picking holes in my scalp.

I don't know what help I need. I'm not expecting a magic cure. I don't know what I need.

Sorry for the rant. It brings up so much when trying to process it all 😔

Sorry that l don't know the system in the UK but l read Briony Gordons book Mad Girl and she seems to have a lot of your system. Don't be put off by the title. Omne thing that seemed to help a bit was exercise even though she found it crucifying but it helped her have some control over body stuff that was going on.
I hope you can get help especially CBT as it would really help. But that throat thing is connected to OCD.

Did you accept the (implied) offer to be put back on the waiting list for therapy? It's terribly unfair that the last round was not delivered to you as promised, but I don't think there's another way to access treatment to be honest. Is attending the PD support group an option now?

When you say you are not in crisis but you have been offered hospitalisation, they obviously don't want to section you, so is that voluntary stay in a centre specialising in personality disorders or anxiety disorders?

Seems as though they have accepted that you need help, but failed to work with you to come up with something that is both adequate for your needs and will not upend your life with regard to work, childcare, etc. I don't know what to suggest to help you advocate for yourself, but it sounds pretty shit. I think you can only take the crisis team's advice and see the GP, but try and drive home the complexity of your problems (does your GP even know your history? Because mine barely knows mine ) and use the examples you gave here to illustrate that the mental health team obviously accept that you need treatment, so you're just wondering why you've been left with none for so long.

Sorry, just read that back and it doesn't sound too helpful, just like obvious stuff that you probably already figured out.

Thank you for your reply.

It isn't a specialist hospital. It's just a residential psychiatric hospital. The last time I went I was 18. There were a lot of very very unwell people there and at 18, I was obviously very vulnerable because of my age and being a young woman.

The thought of another stay fills me with dread as I was too numb to care last time, but looking back on it, I was in a lot of situations that were incredibly unsafe and inappropriate. Like the men's and women's corridor wasn't separated, it was just half men's and half women's. And at night some men would break out of their rooms and try and break down my door. I was locked in but there would be the staff trying to take them back to their rooms and fights going on.

You also had to be supervised whilst bathing and for 4 days I was told there was only a male free to supervise so I had to go 4 days without a bath.

It was honestly like you see in films. Absolutely horrific so the thought of going back is the worst thing possible.

My Gp knows my history. He has been my gp since the beginning and the one that helped my mum get the referrals to camhs. He knows my history fully.

I just think that in our area, the mental health services are stretched to their limit so what I'm offered is very generic. I've been honest and said to him that waiting months for 4 sessions is counterproductive. 4 sessions doesn't scratch the surface.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I really do appreciate the nhs. But I just don't fit into the available offerings in my area.

My partner is telling me that we will go private. I'm just worried about affording it. But then even if we have to cut back and scrape a bit more, maybe that's worth it if private care will be more helpful.

After the phone call from the crisis team, I saw the health visitor again who said that my options were having an assessment and they would push for medicating, or trying to get another referral and hopefully 4 sessions would be adequate.

I've spent over half of my short life being does up to my eyeballs on anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, tranquillisers, lithium, sleeping pills.

I have a heart problem because of some of the long term medication.

I want to be able to start dealing with my mental health, without immediately resorting to medication. I've worked so hard to be medication free for 3 years. And it finally feels like my head is my own again. I just need help being able to look after it.

Oh, so four sessions is just what they offer now as a matter of course? Good grief. My local services have always given me a minimum of 26 sessions at the end of the long wait, but by the end of it I just get told I'm an "unusually complex case" and am discharged having seen no improvement whatsoever. I hope I will be going onto a specialist ward for OCD this year, and that's the last thing the NHS can offer me and it better bloody work

Your experience on a general psychiatric ward sounds awful, so no wonder you don't want to submit yourself to that again. So frustrating (and unacceptable) that there's nothing between a handful of therapy sessions and a stay on an acute ward.

I don't know anything about going private, but agree that if you can stretch to it it is worth considering. You'd only be committing to (and paying for) an assessment to start with, I suppose?