Therapy where therapist gives you advice?!

[800msprint]

Is there such a thing? I feel like I need a Kirstie Allsop in my life to give me some straight talking and advice on my life situation.

I am incapable of making decisions, terrified of change but hate the situation I am in now - both in my head and actual life.

I have mild depression and anxiety but it's caused by a life event rather than just innately in me. That said, I do have a tendency to catastrophise and suffer from low mood generally so a change in how I think is probably no bad thing either.

Anyway I'm not sure counselling will be that useful as I feel like I need someone to help me - an agony aunt like in the papers- Mariella Frostrup type. Do they exist?!!

Therapy is generally about exploration and helping you to change, as opposed to just bossing you around.

Maybe pay for a life coach? It’s not exactly an evidence-based therapy though.

I needed similar a few years ago and had a life coach for a few months. She was great, I met with her weekly for an hour and we discussed what I wanted to achieve and then she would set me some goals for the next week. We looked at mood boards etc but I chose not to do one. It really helped, I think because I had to answer to her if you know what I mean. It definitely helped with my depression and anxiety at that point and we even did a little bit of CBT. Ah, I miss her!

Not me but I know a woman with similar issues who went to see a life coach, it really helped her.

If you go down that route then make sure to read reviews of the person etc

Yes, coaching is what you are after. Therapy is about helping you recognise that you can find solutions within yourself - I know coaching is too, to some extent, but it's much more directive than therapy.

I think CBT would be useful for you, OP. It gets you to challenge your mindset and ways of thinking, and gives you tools for approaching life differently. It would help you to examine the catastrophising and assess whether it was appropriate, and help you to replace it with more positive thoughts. It’s quite hard work, and you need to commit to it, but it’s transformative when it works.

I was going to say a life coach or wellbeing coach. But CBT could help too. Even a life-coach won't tell you what to do. Coaches and therapists are adept at facilitating you to discover what you want to do or what is holding you back from doing what you are doing.

I've had a few sessions of CBt recently that has helped me see aspects of my life with more clarity. I might find a wellbeing coach next to help hold me accountable for the goals I set. I just found it really useful to talk to someone. Don't underestimate how helpful that can be - especially if you have no specific trauma to work through.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Yes, a 'life coach'...be careful though, you might find someone good, but the one I went to turned out be a sadistic bully, basically!! Not sure there's much, if any regulation of these things!
I've found CBT self help, other self help books & YouTube videos far more helpful TBH.

Thanks. Perhaps I'll try self directed stuff first. Not convinced by a life coach atm. CBT - I hues this could help. The thing I struggle with is knowing whether changing what's bothering me is the solution or just changing how I think.

I had a career issue a long time ago - I took the wrong path - and it took me ages to get the courage to change it and know that was the right thing to do as opposed to changing how I thought and how I could enjoy what I did.

I've now got a similar issue, though not career, and face the same dilemma. Stick or twist.

You could do a CBT exercise called 'cost-benefit analysis'... just divide a page in half with a vertical line, on one side write 'advantages of changing how I think about x', the other side 'disadvantages of changing how I think about x'. Then do the same for 'changing x'....see which has the most advantages.

You need counselling so you can get the inner self worth to be your own Kirsty allsop ;)

If you haven't had counselling before I recommend person centred... give it a go and you'll eventually feel capable of making your own decisions which is ultimately best for you x

Thank you. This thread has been very helpful. I have no confidence in my thoughts or decisions so end up doing nothing! And feeling not quite right or unhappy.

@800msprint that's because you're not living your life to its full potential

I am a trained counsellor and many people would come and they just wanted to be told what to do but to tell them would actually be counter productive... only you know what's best for you and it may take a few counselling sessions to get to know yourself but it really is incredible when you start talking to someone in a safe environment you can really begin to hear yourself and begin to make sense of things.

CBT is great for anxiety and short term coping strategies but I really do recommend person centred counselling for lasting change :)

I really identify with you op. I'm incapable of making decisions and it's ruining my life. Like you I never whether the issue is to change my thinking or change my reality. I've had all sorts, CBT, life coaching, psycho dynamic therapy. I'm still as useless as ever. Sorry this is not helpful I've reached a point of despair

@qumquat sorry to hear that. What a pair we are! dm me if you want to chat x

Well I've found CBT great for 'lasting change'!