Any tips for feeling down.

[AlfieJacksmummy]

Hi,
I will try not to blab on too much, but basically feeling very down lately, I have had deppression twice befor and really dont want to go doen tha road again but feel I will if I dont pick myself up soon, I think the only thing keeping me going is my ds cos he needs me.
Ever since having my ds ive felt ugly and fat and not like my old self at all. I am to the point of nuerotic with him where I dont want to be without him at all and never really have any time to myself and have lost my identity.
We are being thrown out of our house and it has been so stressful to find somewhere nice that we can afford and take our cats, we nearly had them rehomed and I was so upset, we have now found somewhere but the admin fees alone have totally skinted us to the point where we cant pay our bills and we still have to pay a deposit and for removal van.
I never feel very happy and have lost a lot of weight lately and had pains in my chest etc. which Ive been told is linked to the stress, its my birthday in 2 weeks and we cant do anything but im most worried my ds will have a rubbish bday and xmas it breaks my heart.
I know there are people much worse off but Ifeel totally alone as all my friends left when I had ds and dont really feel I have anyone to talk to.
Sorry to blab on

Er.. no wonder you feel like this!
How old is ds?

You know you should go to your GP if you are feeling this low,considering your past history of depression.

I understand where you are coming from,i have depression and anxiety too.
I don't really have any friends either.
Hugs to you
xxx

Feel free to offload on here
lots of mumsnetters will be able to relate to how you are feeling.

may sound trivial and I know you have loads going on but simple I have two rules:

• go outside every day
• see and speak to another person (not child or partner) every day

Pelicfloornomore - my ds is 7 months old and I love him too bits, I hate being without him and imagine all sorts happening if I leave him with other people. dp wants to go out for a meal just the 2 of us but I dont want to leave him and feel bad on my dp (not that we can afford to go out now anyway)
BBBee - its not trivial and I do try to do those 2 things, I o go out for a walk when the weather is nice but as for speaking to someone else, its pretty hard like I say Ive lost all of my friends and feel very isolated.
Thanks for understanding though it makes me feel like im not over-reacting.
The problem with telling my doctor is that she is not very understanding and I worry that if they see im down and depressed they will take ds away from me (stupid I know)

As pelvicfloor says - not surprisingly you are feeling low at the moment, with the housing/financial problems. I agree with other posters though, it's best to go to the GP now, and try and nip things in the bud early, rather than soldier on and things get worse and worse. Or you might feel more comfortable talking to your HV. Loads of mums have feelings of depression/anxiety - I think it's something like 1 in 4 are diagnosed with PND - so don't worry about what your GP will think, or losing your child.

It is tough socially after having a baby. See what sort of stuff is on locally for babies - swimming, baby massage, anything like that - usually free if you can do it at a Surestart centre, library storytime - just to get you out of the house and with adults around. Don't put pressure on yourself to make friends at these events though - it's all a matter of chemistry and timing.

Also see if there are any MNetters in your area having a meetup. (or you could try netmums for that)

Thanks mummytoseven. I have been to baby groups etc. and did make some friends but have struggled to go for a few weeks cos of looking for houses and stuff and where ive been down ive not really wanted to speak to people and put on a smiley face its too much effort.
My doctor is totally useless andmakes you feel like you are wasting her time and my hv is even worse, it is a nightmare, but thankyou for the advice I really appreciate all your posts x

Have you approached HomeStart? They may be able to get someone to help you out a bit who would be company too. They might also be able to help you with birthday and Christmas gifts for your son (I know we donate unsold items from our second-hand toy sale to them and that's what they get used for).

Im not sure about home start ive not really heard anything about it tbh? I know we arent entitled to alot of benefits because we get working tax credits and my dp works but he doesnt get much and our tax credits are quite small too, my sil told me yesterday what help she gets and I cant believe the difference I think I might make an appoint at the housing benefit office and with a benefit officer at the job centre?

AJ, i didnt realise you felt so low....as for birthday and xmas they wont even remember..give one little present from you and dh and just have a lovely time, i made a big thing of dds first birthday and it was so stressful i wish i hadnt.

as for homestart its a good idea, just someone to chat to/play with the baby while you have a bath etc....i had a volunteer for a while whilst my pnd was bad.

i hope you feel better soon, get out as much as possible even if it just means walking....as for feeling fat and ugly i think thats part and parcel of having a baby...if you feel really bad try to do somehting about it...ie lose weight/put makeup on, it really helped me after dd, and after ds's first bday i will start again!

smile babe.....you've still got your lovely little boy!

at that age he really won't notice birthdays or christmas - the paper is the most interesting bit to them at that stage - so don't worry about that - save your money for more important things like paying the bills.

Try and get out - walks to the park to feed the ducks etc.

also aj, we are entitled to bugger all as dh works too many hours and earns too much (yeah f*ing right) making an appointment is probably wise but it doesnt necissarily (sp???) mean you'll get anywhere...just a warning!

Hey Stacey, I did worry about one of you guys from Nov thread seeing the post because I didnt want you all to think im a fraud, I was gonna change my name and it has taken me a while to post but read some other threads and everyone was so helpful I thought it might help.
I know Alfie wont remember his bday or xmas but I will and i feel im letting him down as a mum by the fact that I cant spoil him and im nearly always upset or angry although I hide it from him im sure he must know and I dont want it for him.
As for feeling fat, im my own worst enemy cos I feel disgusting but then the thought of doing something about it is too much hassle, so I cant be too bothered can I?

why would we think you're a fraud, im still fighting the pnd, some days are good some bad...we all know the feeling.

as for the birthday he will be spoilt enough with mummy and daddy paying him lots of attention and having loads of cuddles and kisses, lots of video (if you have a camcorder) of him playing with the wrapping paper and popping bubbles (ds loaves these) it will be a much better memory than trying to pay for stuff you cant afford and possibly regretting it later.....if you want toys for his birthday let me know what sort of thing your after my kids have way to many toys (not brought by us i must admit) and i'm more than willing to free up some much needed space in their bedroom!

Ah thanks Stacey - that is so kind! I just thought that on the Nov thread I never say any of this stuff and I try to put on a smiley face with everyone (real & virtual) so I thought it might be a surprise to you ladies. Thanks again I cant believe how kind you all are, but im hoping we can sort out our benefits and hopefully once the move is done we will be a little better off. x

HomeStart isn't related to benefits in any way. It's just a charity that helps out families who need a bit of support. A friend of mine with twins has a volunteer who helps her get out and about and also plays with them to give her chance to have an hour to herself.

Hi Alfiejacksmummy! I have also been feeling low recently - I swear this miserable weather does not help any of us mums at home. I have just been offered some great advice on natural pick me ups and see you have also had lots of replies. Am sorry you are having a rotten time. It does help to post on the MN website and just hearing other peoples tips and stories helps doesnt it? I have 3 boys of age 10, 2 and 1 and do you know what each of them loves (especially my 1 year old) BALLOONS! So cheap and hours of fun in my house so on your little mans birthday I would definately recommend lots of balloons! Dont break the bank - lots of colour and hours of fun! Lets hope the sun shines soon for all of us who are feeling low at the mo. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thanks Piscesgirl - its good to know im not alone in feeling down (not that I wish it on anyone else) but your right, the weather doesnt help when its sunny you can go for walks and stuff but when its tipping down (like today) it is so hard to keep a lo occuppied at home.
I will defo get him lots of ballons sounds like a great idea, and he is starting to show signs of things he likes, such as cars and balls he can roll and chase around so just looking on ebay cos we have a bit of money in paypal we could use.
Thanks for all the support of everyone I feel alot lighter just from talking to you all about it. x