Borderline personality disorder

[Oddcat]

I posted this in chat initially but think it’s better here .

We haven’t had a diagnosis but I strongly suspect my dd 21 has BPD , she ticks every single box and I am really struggling with her mood swings and violent verbal outbursts .

She admits she needs help but won’t go to the gp because ‘they’re rubbish ‘ . She suffers with bad periods , I suggest different ways to help with this but she rejects everything.

I’m exhausted and also dealing with elderly parents, my dad has recently had a heart attack and is today having a biopsy for suspected prostate cancer. My mum is agoraphobic and needs extra care.

I am thinking of sending dd to a rehab in Thailand ( cannabis use) she is keen to go but last night had another meltdown and said she doesn’t want to go.

I’m at my wits end.

Do you live in the uk? Why would you send her to Thailand? That’s very far away!

I explained up thread that dd wants to be far away from where we live .

Thailand?! That goes it sound like a solution.

Sorry I’ve got 2 threads going - other one is in chat

Definitely BPD and not autism or a history of trauma/c-ptsd?

Before going g any further or even accepting advice, you MUST get them diagnosed.

I had a struggle to get a full diagnosis. I spoke to Dr, who out me to mental health team for assessment.

I spoke to a psychiatrist, and was given initially a broad diagnosis... Several complex mental health issues. I argued that, that was a useless assessment, as with no real badges, I couldn't seek the correct help. After 2 years, I finally had another assessment with a higher qualified psychiatrist and given 3 main titles. lol

Once they've got this, they can then go on to receive help/medication (depending what's best for them).

Good luck

Superloud we haven’t got a diagnosis, dd said she thinks she has BPD , which I’ve suspected for ages but haven’t mentioned it to her as it’s never been the right time.

BPD is over-diagnosed

I'm sorry that I can't remember the name of it but there's a form of extreme PMT, are her moods linked to her cycle at all?

Thailand does seem very far, even to live 'far away'. Is there somewhere nearer she'd consider?

No , not linked to her cycle , she can explode any time.

She wants to go to Thailand .

It might not be BPD but whatever it is, she needs help. I will have to pick my moment and try to convince her to see a doctor or psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis.

This is a site that I find really helpful for understanding BPD www.nncionline.org/course/talking-pathways-to-patients-borderline-personality-disorder/
You have to sign up but it’s free and I think it explains what’s ongoing I’m really well and also explains how treatment works. From my experience people with BPD really struggle with a sense of rejection and abandonment so I would be careful with the Thailand plan.

Can you access CAT or DBT locally as these both have a good evidence base in the treatment of BPD. Your dd would need to be in a place where she is happy/able to engage though.

I hope you’re ok, it must be really hard and scary

For a cannabis smoker with mental health issues, going to Thailand seems like a bad idea. If she gets hold of cannabis there then gets caught, she's facing years in jail.

God love you, you have an awful lot to deal with. My DD has bpd and bipolar. She wouldn't engage either but luckily she likes our GP and ended up being referred to our local mental health clinic. It's taken a while but I'm finally seeing an improvement (scared to say it out loud).

The sad thing is that your DD could get help with her periods and mental health if she would engage. I know it sounds crazy buld you bribe her to go to her GP?

Is there anyone who could talk to her?

Would she go onto the MIND website and read about other young people's experiences? She probably feels alone and maybe she could identify with other girls her age who share their stories.

I know it's unlikely but is there any chance she would go to your local leisure centre and use the Jacuzzi, sauna etc. It would get her out and see other people engaging with life.

Could you take her out and get her nails and hair done and have a bite to eat?

Try and get help for yourself. Ring your GP and ask for a referral for counselling for you. In our area parents/carer's can access support. Ring any local charities to see if they offer anything.

You need to have a life too. Get out for a walk. Eat nice food and remember you are a person too!!

Thailand sounds drastic but if she wants to go and you can afford it why not give it a go?

My DD is showing an improvement as she is growing up a bit. Her behaviour seemed to be stuck at 14 for years.

Good luck, reach out for help for you. When your outlook changes she might cop on.

I'd also try to get them to cut back on the weed. That really isn't good for those with pre-existing mental health issues.

Why are they wanting to run away to Thailand? Are there people there that would give her an "easier" time... Not go on at them about being checked and let them do whatever they want?

Have you considered that this behaviour is more about smoking pot, than mental?

JUST A THOUGHT....
Although most professionals don't consider it to be a gateway drug, lots of people who smoke, also go on to use stronger drugs, only because weed doesn't give you that "high". If anything, it brings you down n relaxes you (from previous experience in my teens). All is do afterwards is eat like it was going out of fashion, and sleep. I was far too subdued to be angry etc.....

For there to be a diagnosis EUPD, there would need to be the presence of an invalidating environment/experience in childhood. Does this fit with your daughters presentation?

More and more services are moving away from formal diagnosis and working with presenting symptoms. I would absolutely recommend looking into DBT as a treatment option. Wether it's easily available in your area will be a postcode lottery. I'm a DBT therapist in an addiction service. I would tread VERY carefully in going with a plan which sends your daughter across the world. For a treatment to be effective, she is going to have to learn to integrate what she learns in therapy into her life. Being in an alien environment many miles away isn't generally conducive to that.

I hope you are getting the support you need too. In our area, there is a carer support group for those with loved ones with EUPD. Worth looking into for yourself too.

Could you take her out and get her nails and hair done and have a bite to eat? - I’ve tried all this, she manages to be ok while she’s having it done but it doesn’t last long.

For there to be a diagnosis EUPD, there would need to be the presence of an invalidating environment/experience in childhood. Does this fit with your daughters presentation?

Yes, her father had to go when she was 9 months old due to him abusing me. He was very unreliable and she was often let down by him , he was meant to see her eow , she’d sit on the stairs waiting for him and he wouldn’t turn up.

Restless there isn't one single DBT therapist in the country I live in which is part of the UK. Let's hope some more people like you train. I hear it's a very effective therapy.

@LakeIsle48 is there no NHS provision? I'm shocked. It's in the NICE guidelines as a treatment with a solid evidence base for this diagnosis.

It's a great therapy and I actually tho k most people in life would get something from the skills training element. Plenty of the skills are straight forwards enough to pick up from good clips on YouTube. Worth a look if you are interested

@Oddcat yes, that makes sense. How rotten for your daughter. Hope you find a plan that improves things for both of you soon

RestlessI rang our local health trust last year and the person I was dealing with tried to waffle a bit but ultimately made it clear that it was never going to happen.

Somebody submitted a FOI request to the Trust who responded by saying nobody had been referred for DBT.

I googled DBT in our country and it threw up 2 DBT practitioners about 2 hours away from where I live. This is progress because when I checked last year there were none.

I’ve just googled DBT therapists in our area and have found one - how do I know that they really are experts in this therapy? Dd went to a counsellor who said in their internet blurb that they specialised in ptsd but they really didn’t. Telling someone that it’s unlikely they will ever be in another coach crash isn’t really helpful.

Oddcat I agree, how would we know? The two DBT practitioners I found had a lot of qualifications but no qualifications in DBT. Maybe that doesn't matter but how would I know. I fantasize about her accessing treatment.

At one stage she got a place on a 10 week mentalisation course. She went the first week and on her way back from the 2nd week she met a girl she knew from the psychiatric ward. They both took drugs on the way home and my DD ended up having a seizure and was blue lighted to hospital. I was devastated at that.

We are where we are now. She was rubbish at taking her meds but now gets an injection that slowly releases her mood stabilizer medication into her system.

I'm genuinely scared to say but it appears to be working.

Im glad you’re getting somewhere Lake , why is it so hard to access decent mental health treatment? As I said before we had a referral to CAHMS and it was woeful. You take a gamble with private counsellors ( my alcoholic, abusive ex has done a counselling course, which fills me with horror) .