Sorry guys if this has been asked about before I think it's gonna be a long read so please bare with me.
So December 2016 is got myself in a serious depressive state for many reason but im generally quite a strong person and tbh I don't know what trigger it to get so bad as what it was like I actually felt like I was in this big block hole and everything was closing in and the hole was just getting deeper and deeper so for the first time ever I made a doctors appointment and knew what the were going to say try some anti-represents which upset me cos I really didn't want to go on them as I thought it would just be masking how i was feeling and I felt at the time how is gonna take a pill ever day going to make my day any better (no offence meant to anyone taking the) like what part of all the shit that get thrown at me in my life and a situation that happened with my youngest daughter going to change and make better if i just take this pill. So anyhow I thought what else can I do my anxiety was threw the roof which id never had that before and was I say bad I mean bad I wouldn't leave the house incase my daughter need me at school I would clean every part of my house 3-4 times minimum kitchen n bathroom mostly could be up to 10 times a day n i mean everything with bleach -neat skirting board door carpets floor sofa windows walls the all the of mine n the kids mattress got bleach and steam cleaned twice a day n I'm not joking the house had to be kept sterial for my youngest daughter I used to make my hands bleed cos the beach damaged my hands so badly people used to come round and their eyes would sting and they would joke that it smelt like a swimming pool!! most of all was my anger and my mood swing one minuet i would be cry to sitting in a differen room to everyone then i would fly off then handle and I mean full on physco path all in the space of 10 mins .Made my poor husband life awful we would constantly argue over stupid things.
But moving on I went back to the doctors to say right I give in I will try them so they perscribed matazpine 15mg to take at night to help me sleep cos I hadn't had a full night sleep in 6 years. So fast forward 4 weeks I go back for a check up and the ask how I'm getting on I said I hadn't noticed a difference at all so they upped my dose to 30mg think 6 weeks after that went back I said again i dont really see a difference so again they put me up to 45mg which I'm still currently taking. Now in December 18 I had a lot going on moving house on 21st December found I'd have to have vitamin b12 injection which sunk but is what it is all have another private medical issues so tbh be honest I didn't know weight difference at first but i was a comfy size 12 weighing 11st.13lb I'm a 5ft 11 so I didn't look skinny but just adverage!! Was generally fairly happy weight and body wise (But thuthily does anyone feel happy about their bodies)? But now I've been on theses tablet for over a year (bare in mind too I've spoken to doctors 3 times about my weight gain n they have said its nothing to worry about) n ive gained a whopping 7st 7lb. And im now a size 22.Now a while ago the doctors tried wean my does down as I didn't feel like were working any more but want to stay on some sort of tablet because I still feel I need a little help with my anxiety, so for 2 weeks i had to cut down to 30g then 3-4 week down to 15mgs then try something some new for 4 weeks and see how I got on. But I made it half way through 3rd week n i got into such a bad ways again crying all the time not leaving the house for 5-7 days at a time so at the beginning of the week I decided maybe they were working better then I thought they were so back on to highest does again. Now I never read what the side effect can be or something could happen ect n i also never Google anything either and never really thought it could of been the matizapie and cos I said to the doctor could it be tables thst are putting it on they asurred me it would be down to that. So obviously didn't think it was I came off all my other medication. Including the pill so now all I take is 1 45mg matizapie tablet on on occasions a 7.5g zopiclone table (sleep tablet) and even taking them both I don't sleep to well on odd nights I do. But now to get on to my point so I saw in a fb groups people asking advice on how they can gain weight this one girl comment and said try matazpine that's what her doctors had given her and it's well know to give to girls who suffer really badly with anorexia or for medical reasons. She even post a pic of her before taken the tablets n she was all skin n bone and 2moths later just before Christmas she look so lovely and had gone up 2 dress sizes and 2 stone in 2 month!! I was gob smacked like actually sat there n cried for about 3 hours!! Espeacially I when I first went to doctors I said one of my anxieties was about how look and I try had to stay slim n that I'm the type of person that if I look at a slice of cake the calories just jump on to my body 😂😂 but anyway I eat generally pretty healthy not gonna lie I have a dominos or dinner out every now and then but I've always done that. So as you can imagine after read that comment I've Google the shit out of it and it says 75% of people have stop using because of high weight gain!!! So basically I just need to hear people's advise on what I should do and what has worked well for them I know everyone is different. Im currently doing slimming world and lost 5lb in my 1st week which I'm buzzing about obviously n I'm also doing 3 aqua classes a week at the gym and trying to go out for a walk as much a possible but about 6 months ago I was doing all this n hit a brick wall and wasn't losing anything even when sticking to plan 100% So I gave up in Sept 2018 n at that time i went fro 17.5 and lost 1st 13 lb but started on 9th Jan 19 so I've put on 1.9 lbs which takes me to a whopping 18st 2lb now I've had 3 children my eldest carried a lot of water so I went from weighing 9.10 and a lovely size 10 (I was 16yrs old) n i did put on 10st when pregnant with here but i lost 5 stone instantly after I had a c-section. Anyway shifted that weight then fell pregnant with my middle daughter but you would of even know i was pregnant with her or my 3rd daughter I only gained about 1st 7lb. I don't feel ready to come off the tablets cos I dnt wanna be a blubbering wreck again while the lower my dose n then swap me other the will thing will take about 10 week is to come off old ones n the weight 4 ish weeks for new ones to start. I don't know what to do my weight is making me so depressed n no confident in how i look or feel in myself anymore. I can just see this making my depression and anxiety even worse since reading them at post I've not slept not eaten n certainly not left my sofa let alone my house and it's not far my kids seeing me like this I'm really lost n really hoping someone can give me any advice would be gratelly received and thank you so much.
Sorry for such a long post probably given you way to much information but im just praying someone has been thought the same thing and can suggest a quick fix.
Tank you again for taking the time to read this post it means alot.
No judgey or nasty comments please this has taken me so much to write this and be so open xx