Bipolar spouse - books, support, website recommendations and advice?

[fluffykinscat]

My mum is going through hell with my recently diagnosed bipolar dad who was sectioned earlier in the year and is going manic again. Some of his behaviour has been very dangerous not to mention chaotic (breaking things, turning the house upside down, v aggressive etc). The MH team are monitoring him but living with it day in day out is wearing her down (he's going through a medication change) and I fear she is clamming up about the reality of what's happening and is in fear of sectioning him again and may be holding back from doing or revealing the extent of this despite the danger he is presenting.

I wondered if anyone has any tips for living with a bipolar spouse, support groups that actually help, websites, or books that they have found very helpful, that I might pass on to her.

Or if you have a management plan that you kick into action once symptoms start to show that would be useful to know. I have looked online but any personal advice I would welcome.

I am very scared about her wellbeing at the moment.

Many thanks

Has your mum had a carer's assessment? She's entitled to one, and they'd be able to tell her about local support when they were doing it. Our CMHT has carer's officers specifically but I'm aware not all do. Worth checking out with the CMHT or your local adult SS.

Hi Wonkydonk thanks so much for replying. I don't think she has yet. She's currently working full time a hard job and has handed in her notice, it's all just too much for her. But she has another month to work... I'll ask her to look into this or look into it on her behalf. I hope that in due course she can get carer's allowance, she doesn't at the moment.

Having someone else she can turn to, even if just for a friendly ear and a brew when needed, is essential for a carer. You sound like a lovely and invested daughter so that's priceless IMO.

With regard to the management plan, the CMHT may look at doing this with him (google Crisis Plan, Relapse Plan or WRAP... or they may call it something else entirely where you are). It's always good to have carer's input with these as often they can spot the innocuous little signs of relapse before professionals as they know the person best.

Oh thank you Wonky. I speak with her on phone but sadly am not nearby to help more.

I totally welcome your ideas about the management plan - this is so important. I think she was still reeling after the first Sectioning and wanted to put it out of her mind for a bit without thinking but it has reared its head and we don't have a plan! So yes this is so important.
I will get on the case with that ASAP.

So sorry to hear this OP. My ex has Bipolar and it can be horrendous. If he's going manic again perhaps he needs a med adjustment. Do you know what medication he's on? He should be under a psychiatrist. Sadly in my opinion you have to make yourself a nusciance to get better care.

Is there a local carers charity? Some of them have carers workers who specialise in people who are caring for loved ones with mental illness.

thank you colouringinpro. He's undergone a med change from Lithium to something else the last few weeks. We've had all sorts of med changes (incl stopping and starting epilepsy drugs as he has a related seizure issue) so it's likely to be that. I'm afraid I don't know exactly
I will look into carers charity.

What really worries me is that he is being increasingly abusive towards her and seems to have developed super human hearing (usually deaf as a post). He is being controlling and nasty calling her horrible names and I know he is also violent at times. Last time we went through it he did a flying kick at her and also later tried to push her down the stairs. I assume similar things are occurring but she is either too scared to deal with them or not telling me.

In anyone else's opinion at what point should someone with bipolar be sectioned? Is abusive behaviour described above (such as shoving someone around) grounds for sectioning? She is very loathe to section him for whateevr reasons (codependency I think and fear and not wanting to hurt him) but I think someone who is doing these things should be sectioned?

Anyone else's opinion welcomed.

Last time we went through it he did a flying kick at her and also later tried to push her down the stairs

Are his mental health team aware of this? If not you need to tell them ASAP!

You need to phone the police next time he is attacking her. They’ll arrest him and he’ll probably be taken to get assessed and the help he needs.

You really must phone the police next time, he could very easily kill her.

Can I ask how old your dad is fluffykinscat? Has he been assessed for dementia?

The threshold for sectioning is when the patient presents a significant risk to themselves or others, and what you describe certainly sounds like they do. Unfortunately because of all the cuts there are very limited beds available so they'll avoid sectioning wherever they can, often leaving the carer suffering as a result.

If he is at all violent that's the time to look at sectioning. Your mum can call 999 if she fears violence from him and the Police coukd help get him assessed for a section. I can imagine though she'd not be keen on that.

Can you speak to your mum/dad's GP. Explain the verbal and physical abuse and request an assessment under the Mental Heakth Act.

I don't want to be too alarming, but I would be concerned for my mum's safety. Is the nastiness a recent thing (ie post lithium?) Please try and find out what medication he's now on.
Best wishes.

Hi all, he's in early 60s. The medication is Olanzapine and something else for putting him on a downer (clonazepam or something?).

The violence mentioned above was last time he was sectioned but I fear there have been little bits of it e.g. shoving her a bit in the kitchen.

I spoke to her yesterday and told her she must have her phone on her at all times and call police if necessary.

She said in the last day or so he has calmed down quite a bit. I do worry that it's not the whole story though. The crisis team are visiting daily. But if they don't know about the violence (as she's unable to tell them as at work) then nothing might change.

I think things are calming down a bit. What I do worry about is their very co-dependent relationship, for many years prior to diagnosis she has been supporting him and enabling his behaviour, which has not been as extreme as since diagnosis but unpleasant at times nevertheless. So she is maybe unable to detach from the emotional ties to him when it comes to what is necessary in terms of MH sectioinng or whatever.

I think the key is once this episode is over that she gets professional support be that counselling, carer support etc to recognise when she needs to be stronger at reporting behaviours, and at setting boundaries and maybe overcoming some of the codependency issues. I will make this a priority to ensure she signs up. she can be stubborn though and very slow to action on things :(

ps I don't think he's had a dementia test but I will ask mum to mention it.

You can always ring the Crisis Team to give them information about his risks. Confidentiality means they may not be able to give you information about his care or treatment, but collateral is always useful from carers/family.

Thanks wonky, I will do that if it gets worse. I am a bit worried about annoying my mum or upsetting her. She seems to get very frosty when I pressure her or intervene but if needs must I will.