Breakdown

[15Ameliasmummy97]

I have recently suffered a breakdown. I’ve got to attend family court on Thursday as my daughters dad is trying to get custody of my little girl. I have previous social services involvement but social services are recommended my little one stays in my care following a section 37 report.

People that I used to be friends with - toxic friends, have messaged my daughters dad made up lies about me. I’ll admit I used to be a party animal and did take a bit of cocaine occasionally in the summer I went off the rails following a year of domestic violence, the loss of 3 pregnancies and my ex finally being sent to prison for rape.

I feel like my mental health has slowly deteriorated and I’m at my worst I’ve ever been. I am not drinking or taking any drugs only a anti depressant I’ve been prescribed by my GP. My anxiety is so bad I don’t know who to trust and I feel so isolated within myself and stuck in a massive hole. I don’t even know who I am anymore, I feel like the worst mum in the world my self esteem is terrible and I feel like everyone is out to get me :(

Oh op. I feel for you. I can relate on the mental health side as I too have suffered. I've had a few really bad breakdowns as a result of post natal depression. I have three DC and I'm just coming out the other end after having my third. I had CBT which helped massively with anxiety. I used to lie in bed each night worrying over things I can't control, I felt sick, breathless and panicky and I'd end up crying myself to sleep. That's all in the past now thanks to CBT.
My therapist basically told me to write down the stuff that was triggering my anxiety. Doing so made me realise that this isn't really anything to worry about. I can't offer much advice other than that but I didn't want to read and run, especially when you can relate to someone. Go to a doctor and ask for a referral for CBT. I'm still on anti depressants right now but mentally I'm at a better place now than I was. I can only hope the same for you. Keep your chin up my lovely

OP it sounds like you’ve been through such a lot. Your daughters dad taking you to court sounds like kicking a woman when she’s down. You cannot be the worst mother in the world as social services are recommending she stay in your care! So although things are tough, you are able to competently parent your child. Lots of people do things they regret in times of stress. The fact that you are going through this extremely stressful time now, without relying on alcohol or drugs shows how strong you are, and how committed you are to your daughter.

Are you getting any mental health support other than anti depressants?

And your toxic friends aren’t friends...they are shitheads. Do you still have contact with them?