This may be long sorry.
Had DD 3 years ago after IVF and 4 years of TTC. She was very much wanted.
Suffered with sickness and nausea for whole 9 months of pregnancy, had a traumatic birth and then PND, diagnosed when DD was about 10montha old. I had CBT and returned to work when she was a year old.
Things started to improve but I would have moments/days of feeling shit again. It would come in waves and I would just wait for it to end. Apologies to Dh for being a moody cow and move on.
Last summer the cloud felt like it finally lifted for good. I kept waiting for it to appear again and it didn't..... until now.
It starts with something small, that will piss me off and put me in a mood which I just can't shake and it gets worse.
I work part time and I'm usually ok at work. But on my days with DD I just get so frustrated and wound up by the hum trim.... the constant wants from her and my DH. The fact DH doesn't listen when I ask him to do something or moans about it until j just do it myself.
I don't get to pee in peace or have breakfast without having to share it.
I cried in the shower this morning not for the first time just cannot get a hold on myself .
Then DD had thrown all her clean washing on the floor. I went into our bedroom and ranted to myself and I get myself so wound up and angry . I threw the hair dryer across the room.
Then I feel so awful so broke down again.
It's hard to explain how truly awful, guilty, sad I feel in a post. But how do I stop this?
It's going to ruin my marriage and my relationship with DD.
I looked into private councillong and at £50 a session we can't really afford it.
I'm being made redundant soon, and I don't know if that will make better or worse!
Is this depression? Or am I just being a snowflake and not being able to deal with the pressures and boringness of adult life!!