Help with worrying what others think please.

[feathermucker]

Rules my life.

I have anxiety anyway and am on Sertraline.

I would like some hints and tips of how not to worry what people think of me and my actions.

I hate conflict or disagreement with people I know.

Any help appreciated.

You don't have to be what other people want you to be.
You don't have to be interesting, agreeable or entertaining. You don't have to tone yourself down, quiet your voice, or hide your feelings. You don't have to be outgoing, or spontaneous or sociable. You don't have to be thin or beautiful or anyone's definition of attractive. You don't have to be anyone other than you authentically are, and you sure as hell don't have to spend tour time and energy trying to convince people that you're worth keeping around. The right people are going to recognise your worth. They are going to respect you, appreciate you and accept you, without forcing you to compromise who you are.
Daniell Koepke

If you worry about what people think of you, then you become their prisoner,

Thank you.

I just wish I had more faith in my own self sometimes.

I imagine that every conflict or disagreement with friends means the end, literally get shaky and sweary. Yet, if I have to face conflict outside my friendship group, it doesn't phase me at all.

My friends are great.

I used to be exactly like this. Mine has got better with age. I do genuinely care less what other people think of me now. Although I still get a touch of the paranoia over it now and then. No quick fix but what I will say is as cheesy as it sounds start telling yourself you don't care. Repeat it often and you may eventually start to believe it and act as such. I find these fixations with caring what otherd think and getting hyper sensitive to criticism or cstastrophising fall outs (all things I did) boil down to your own perception that you're inadequate and not worthy of people liking you or you having friends. Low self esteem. Do you have low self esteem? Do you have family and friends that make you feel good?

I think you've got it limpbizkit.

I do have low self esteem and interpret myself as at fault if someone is off with me or similar. I don't seem to be able to accept that they're maybe having a bad day or dealing with stuff themselves.......except in hindsight.

Its an OCD thing too. I 'check' with people to see if they're OK with me, but that then annoys them.

I'm a good person with a kind heart and I do have some lovely friends. They're pretty much all more confident than me. I have annoyed them in the past with the checking and catastrophising.

How do you build self esteem. I'm doing a course through my work about managing my anxiety and feelings which starts tomorrow.

Wish I could remember the exact quote I saw I few months ago, the message was

The secret to inner peace is to accept nothing anyone else says is about you. It's about their life circumstance to that point or even that day.

Was said much better though. I have been trying to remember this message and if someone is unusually rude try to think "what's happened?" And try not to retaliate/Let it bring me down and be aware there may be something going on. (I often fail at this but it's something I am trying )

It can be worth breaking down WHY you care about what people think.

Have people been very disapproving or critical of you?

Did you face a lot of negative feedback growing up?

Were you bullied?

You have to remember most people really don't care enough about anyone but themselves. They gossip about others not because they really care but as a cheap way to bond with other people.

What would you do if everyone approved of you no matter what, or if you were the only person in the world?

I think this just takes practice. Try to be your own best friend. The next time your mind says, 'they'll laugh at you, they'll think you're silly or a failure' just say 'f off, so what if they do? I'm doing this for me because I deserve to.'

Go easy on yourself :)

Great advice, thank you. Lots to think about.

I recognise myself so much in a lot of your feelings. You're not alone. With the self esteem - back to bare basics... Look at all of the other human beings walking around you all the time. Some great some arses. We all are born and have the exact same entitlement to be on this planet. So why not you? You have exactly the same right to be alive and on the planet as everybody else. Start by treating yourself as an equal. Because you fundamentally are. Stop treating yourself 'lesser'

I really sympathise. I saw a suggestion on another thread to write 'I am enough' on a post it somewhere you see it every day and I'm going to try this myself! I am a perfectionist and therefore never feel satisfied with my accomplishments & performance & have huge fear of failure and imposter syndrome. I find ADs, yoga, meditation and exercise help. I've had lots of therapy too. When I take on too much and get busy and stressed (as I am now) it starts to build up. Taking things a bit easier and making time too look after myself are critical but I often spend too much time trying to please others & achieve more, to the detriment of my sanity!