Is this anxiety?

[Tracy91]

Would really appreciate it if anyone has any opinions on this...

I've felt like i've had anxiety for a LONG time, although i get the odd good day and then convince myself i'm fine, but I'm really struggling at the moment.

I'm in my mid 20's and ever since school i've always felt like i've never fit in properly, i find it hard maintaining friendships (most my friends are males and half the time i think their only friends with me as they perceive me as attractive). I also struggle an awful lot with just typical daily tasks. I think people are looking at me constantly in everything i do. If someone looks at me I think its because there's something wrong with what i'm doing and so on. I find this really hard to deal with being that i'm at university, i constantly feel on edge and never comfortable anywhere doing anything.

Tbh im not sure whether its anxiety or not but whatever it is ive had it for a long time and its getting worse. I also am feeling very deflated recently, just feel like 'what is the point' to anything and as though it is a real task to make anything positive.

I get down a lot as I don't really have any good friends. I have a few which I see here and there but no one I can really call a bestfriend or fully trust but its a catch 22 since I seem to really struggle making friends which I think has to do with the anxiety. I havent got a supportive family at all, to the point where I dont feel like I have a family in fact, so thats another issue. I just feel very alone and unhappy. I'd love to just wake up and enjoy life but everything seems to be a struggle. I have good days dont get me wrong, but overall I really dont feel good. I fear that i'll never have friends, a family, a partner and worry where I will be in the future. I feel embarrassed to have a boyfriend as I then have to explain I have no real friends I guess I worry what they'll think of me. I've been told by everyone i've been with that I'm 'odd' in a good way, but I've never very convinced by this, making me worry about them comparing me to other girls.

Just wondered if anyone has gone through similar and has any advice. I really just want to be happy for the sake of myself and my child. I have had a hard childhood witnessing many family issues and feel like thats partly caused me to be the way I am, but I don't want my child having to experience the same.

Has anyone got any tips to deal with the anxiety (if this is what it is)? would love to hear them if so!!

Thank you! x

I saw this only because of your other thread. I am sorry no one responded initially.

Firstly, if you go to your gp they may be able to prescribe beta blockers or similar to help short term with the anxiety.

Re the other thread, I strongly recommend you get a good baby book such as Penelope Leach's Birth to Age 5, it will really help you, both in terms of physical care but also development. I think you got good advice amongst the less helpful comments on the other thread. I'd change clothes and give baths more often for children of this age, because of what they do in a day and the grot and grime from other kids.

In relation to this thread, I know people who had tough childhoods who felt similar to you in their early twenties, and I'd like to reassure that things can change and turn out fine. Lots of students at uni have to learn social skills the hard way, because they hadn't been taught them by their parents, including me. I had to learn to feel comfortable in my own skin, and to be myself, and learning social skills helped with that, and these are all things which you can build on from now.

My top advice is to learn to fit in with whatever group you are around in a casual sense, but also learn to know yourself really well and learn what you really like in others, so that you naturally start to gravitate towards people who are "your kind of people" which is much better than just trying to make friends (with anyone) or feeling isolated.

Be confident that you have done well to get this far.

In relation to trusting others, you can be friends with people without putting 100 percent trust in them. Initially allow your friendships to be quite casual, and get to know people well before you trust. Expect to be let down a bit. Well, a lot. It happens to everyone. You either choose to be alone and lonely, or you choose friendships on the basis that you will get hurt from time to time, and if you choose the latter, you can be confident that you will deal and cope with it fine and move on.

The baby book I recommended above is really great, everyone I know who has read it loves it and it has helped a lot with their dc. Beta blockers may help you feel less anxious in the short term, and more confident at uni, depending on what your gp says.

Good luck!