Not fit to be a mother

[Sexonknackeredlegs]

I am feeling so utterly fed up.
Just coming on here for a rant really.

I have a 4 year old dd and a 10 week old dd.
The 4 year old has always been challenging, and has become more so with dd2's arrival, which was to be expected.

The trouble is I am crap at dealing with it. I have said some dreadful things to dd1 this morning, and she now seems scared of me which isn't surprising. I am ashamed of myself I really am.

You sound like you are really tired, is the baby sleeping through.?

Every parent in the world has hundreds of regrets about things they should or shouldn't have said or done - please don't beat yourself up about it, you have quite enough to deal with without adding guilt to the list. Just getting through a day is enough of an achievement when you've got a newborn and another child. Make sure you give DD1 a big hug and when DD2 is asleep spend 5 minutes doing something you and DD1 both enjoy together, even if it's just watching a bit of TV.

She is sleeping through which is great, so I cannot use that as an excuse. She is hard work though, crys a lot when not asleep or feeding. I am so fed up of it all, I feel like walking out.

Wot Hassled said.

It will be fine, it is only 10 weeks. You know what you are doing, but it a very very steep learning curve for your DD1.

Thank you ladies. I really appreciate your words. I try so hard not to lose it with dd1, but she pushes me to the limits. I think what has upset me most is that she has her first taster session at big school this afternoon, and I so wanted to be positive and upbeat etc. She is at preschool this am, so I will be super up when I collect her to take her to school.

I beat myself up for years for being hard on my dd1 when dd2 was born, really worried that by losing my temper a few times I'd have damaged her for life, obviously I'm not condoning it and were it constant for the whole of her childhood then it would be a huge problem.
You are only human, not supermum or wonderwoman, it's still exhausting having a new baby regardless of whether they sleep through or not - it will get easier I promise and your dd1 will not remember a thing as she gets older (mine don't and I have told them).
Like the other posters have said try to give her the quality time and loads of cuddles she needs when dd2 is asleep and if you're doing something with dd1 when dd2 starts crying etc, just leave her and make it clear to dd1 that she's still no1 daughter IYKWIM.
I don't think there's any harm in saying - I'm really sorry darling, Mummy was so tired and I didn't mean any of that. I was wrong to say that to you....

Thank you Wisteria.

I will make sure she gets extra cuddles. She is a lovely girl and didn't deserve what I said to her.

I just feel exhausted - think af must be on it's way, plus this weather is such a downer isn't it?

Also quite stressed about how dd1 will be at the big school session this afternoon. Taking dd2 alog as well, as I didn't manage to get myself sorted and ask for someone to have her for a couple of hours so I could give my full attention to dd1. I am crap at asking for help, as I see it as failing.

Oh knackered one - please stop being so hard on yourself, you are no different than the rest of us! We all struggle at times and yes this weather is completely shite and we're all grumpy, especially me I am bitch on legs at he mo!!
If it makes you feel better you'd only be failing if you weren't feeling sorry for what you did; she'll have forgotten all about it way before you do.
And just think of all those broody Mums like me you are depriving of cuddles and sniffs of your baby's head (you know the one that makes you cry!) when you don't ask for help - look upon it that you are doing them a favour! Wish someone would ask me to help with a 10wk old baby - I just get teenagers now x

Wisteria, you are so right. Dh has just said the same thing. I know we all feel like this at times, and I need to get over it.

Thank you for your wise words, and hope you get to kiss some babies soon. x

fed up waiting - going to make a new one
Hope you have a lovely weekend and your afternoon goes well.

Now repeat after me....
We will all be fine and I am excellent Mum

Wisteria, enjoy making a new one,. and thanks again for your words of support. Feeling a lot better now, especially after a couple of glasses of red wine!

Have a great weekend yourself. x