Declaring depression - any come back?

[takemewithyou]

I know I'm depressed. Have been in varying degrees for years. Feeling low, exhausted etc my neck tension is back to. I'm not sleeping well at all.

I've been to scared to ask for help in case it affects my like negatively in the future. Will it affect my employability? Do I have to declare it? I'm going through a tough time at home and worry DH will use it against me, say I'm mad or an unfit mother?

Has getting help come back to haunt you?

I finally found the courage to go and speak to my gp in the middle of a custody battle with my ex partner.
It did not impact me in any way. He tried to paint me as an unfit mother - they took a very dim view of him for this.
I have never declared it on any job application and I work with children.

You don't even have to tell your partner if you don't want too.

There is no shame. You recognise you need help - please go and get the help available to you :-) don't suffer on your own or in silence.

I don't know what help if any I could get. I'm so tense.

Im sure telling the doctor I'm resisting self harming is going to tick lots of boxes and set of alarms. I'm worried I will be reported to social services or something, surely these things are flagged up. I've held it all in for years.

Honestly, in terms of stigma depression's nothing. It really isn't.
Everyone has it at some point. You're catastrophising, it really is normal to feel that way, but you do need treatment.
If it were bipolar or schizophrenia you may have a point but antidepressants are as common as statins and painkillers. Please see your doctor and get some help.

I've had on and off depression on and anxiety (esp anxiety) for years. GP never reported it to anyone, even at times when I wished they had so that I could get some proper help! I've had it though uni and then several jobs and had to take some time off / seek help in both cases so ended up deciding to tell some people. It's amazing how when to open up to someone it turns out it's incredibly common and they'll list off various other people they know who have suffered. With work I think you have to tell one person why you are off (if it's longer than 5 days self certified) but no one else need know the reason for your sickness. Although it feels horrific to experience these symptoms I never got the impression that gps saw it as much of a big deal so I see no reason they would report to tell anyone else, let alone inform social services unless perhaps you are still a child or considered vulnerable in some other way.

Ps. I have a well paid professional job and I don't think I could have got to where I am without the support of GPs, therapists and prescription meds. Any negative impact (ie if telling my boss has somehow negatively affected my chance of promotion at some point which I don't think is the case but is not impossible) is outweighed by the fact I wouldn't have achieved getting a job like this in the first place without getting help and being (selectively)open about my problems.

Honestly even if GP referred you to social services-which I highly doubt & there was no referral by my GP when I was prescribed ADs & counselling-they would not be interested. Unless you were a risk to your children they wouldn't be interested.
Please get help from somewhere, I don't think you'll regret it

Yesterday I finally found the courage to speak to my gp. It was horrific waiting because he was running 90 min late and I was anxious about picking up my son etc plus I received 2 very upsetting emails from work in the waiting room. By the time I saw the dr I was a wreck and just burst into tears. I'm not one for that sort of thing. I discussed one of the main causes of my anxiety which is being bullied at work. He said I need a break from that environment and signed me off for a month. He also gave me sleeping tablets which I'm reluctant to take. I'm so glad I went though. Now I feel I have a new set of issues. I've never been signed off before. I worry about people's reactions. Work have completely turned on me. They want me gone. My boss sent me a horrible email and my manager has nit picked. I've been accused of things that just aren't true. My first instinct is to reply and defend myself but I worry it will make things worse. I've been bullied for almost 3 years by a colleague, it was proven when I raised it formally but I've no doubt now my boss doesn't believe me. I reported a new incident this week and she emailed me to say I'd blown it out of proportion. She can't judge it. I even had a witness. She then tore into my team with a similar email which was clearly about me not doing my job correctly and about complaints about my work. It feels she has crossed the line. She's protecting the bully. I'm not sure what to do next. It sort of feels a step in the right direction but change is scary.

Well done for going to the GP - that's a great first step and it sounds like space away from your toxic work environment is essential.

My advice on what to do next is don't feel like you have to make any big decisions right now and try to go easy on yourself and get as much rest and relaxing as you can - perhaps look into meditation, yoga, long baths, swimming or other kinds of gentle exercise, if you feel up to it. When I was signed off I tried to spend at least a few hours walking each day as it somehow eased the symptoms - and I felt quite afraid being home alone.
I also found things like feel good box sets nice and soothing and avoided reading the news / checking social media as it was often a bit upsetting and or over-stimulating. Do you have a partner, family or close friends that you can spend a bit of down time with (assuming they are supportive rather than making you feel worse).

Thanks for the advice. Everyone is expecting that I will eventually leave my job, I probably will I suppose as I can't see anything changing but you never know and like you say there is no need to make big decisions now.

I'm trying to process it all. But not let it consume me. I'm worried I will go into some sort of denial and not deal with it all. I do need to switch off from it all and ignore all the work things that keep popping up in my head.

I don't have anyone close who I can spend time with. DH is always working. He can be very insensitive and selfish. Sometimes I just need to get it all off my chest but he doesn't give me much of his time.

I've tried to plan something for the next few days to get me out the house. I'm worried about spending 7 hours alone without anyone to talk to. I've been there before and it's tough.