I've been with my DH for 18 years, married for 16. We have two teenage children. I am only beginning to wonder if he is depressed but I suspect that this may have been creeping up for some time. He doesn't treat anyone badly but over the last few years has gradually removed himself from parts of family life. He's physically there but always on his ipad/phone, so, mentally removed (but denies it when our DC challenge him about it). He has gradually got more and more stubborn and taken positions on things that mean he refuses to contemplate change. At the same time he's miserable about his weight, miserable about our financial position (which is fine but, like most people, a bit tight), miserable about being unable to give up smoking (but refuses to get outside help) and being unable to exercise (he's had health issues over the last few years which have meant that he can't do load bearing exercise but he refuses to contemplate any other form of exercise that does not have impact on his joints). He has never taken any responsibility for organising our life together - financial, house, repairs, medical , arrangements around children etc etc, so no change there but he's beginning to take little interest in his own personal care - brushing teeth, showering, changing clothes etc.
I've tried to encourage him to look at alternative forms of exercise, with no success. I've spoken to him about personal care and he did improve a little but seems to have stopped again. I've also suggested that he may be a bit depressed and he agreed (but said that it's not at the stage of needing help). He just seems to be in a morass that he can't see his way out of. I know that he feels like a failure at home and, often , if I try to discuss the situation with him, he says that I just make him feel like more of a failure.
On the plus side, he does lots of really lovely cooking at home and will help out when asked.
He's v successful at work and manages a huge budget.
This is a man whom I got together with because he had such a great sense of humour and we spent a lot of time laughing (!). I'm worried about him. Should I be? Am I overreacting? Any thoughts on how I could help him see his way out of this would be much appreciated.