Self harm

[DieselOilAndAnger]

Does anyone else do this? I consider myself a fairly confident and competent person but I have had a tough couple of years and occasionally burn myself with cigarettes. I hadn't done it for months but last night did it again, it hurts so much but is such a relief. I guess it could be the stress and pressure of 'new year, new you' but I am starting to feel really anxious, to the point that I just want to be in bed, but I have work and kids etc. I also don't want to 'give in' to the anxiety as then I will have lost.

I was seeing a counsellor but have not been for a long time, I honestly thought I was getting better but for the last couple of days have felt like I am teetering on the edge of a complete breakdown. Maybe back to work tomorrow will help. I'm also already worried about the weekend, when I'm feeling like this I can't cope with people and crowds and I am due to go to 3 events this weekend, one of which I am helping at and can't let them down but it seems to be bringing panic already! Any immediate short term solutions?

Now I know I'm going backwards I can start declining invitations but don't want to back out when I had offered to be useful.

I know things are easier to read in paragraphs but my brain is fried so I have just put spaces anywhere! Sorry if it's hard to read. Thanks.

Yes have done this to varying degrees of severity over an 18 month period at worst 3 times a day. Difficult to say how to replace it as nothing else fits the bill. I stopped actually marking myself but would hit mysef instead. Are you on any medication? I’ve tried various things and at last found something that is helping a lot. Do the people at these events know about your anxiety? If so then am sure they will understand if you maybe need some time out. It’s a difficult time of year.

I'm on lorazepam which I don't take daily, maybe a few times per week. Nobody knows the extent of the anxiety as the events that triggered it were a while ago now and were not overly traumatic by other people's standards so don't want to make a fuss. Not sure why I'm not coping really, it's actually really pissing me off as I feel so out of control. Weirdly I feel most in control at work as I keep my work life and private life very separate so nobody there knows what a mess I am and I manage to put on a happy face most of the time but I can feel it slipping, especially in my downtime. I think a lot of it is the time of the year. I'm very lucky in lots of ways so it's frustrating to feel so self pitying.

I was on that too daily but found the effects wore off after time. It doesn’t matter how insignificant it seems its how it affects you. When I was seeing a CPN just before I went into hospital I was told not to worry about self harm too much just to be careful not to overdo it, ie cut too deep for example. Do you have a partner or someone to talk to about it?

I have done in the past but not for 10 years or so. I was having therapy at the time but couldn't bring myself to tell her. Told a close friend and no one else. The shame was unbearable to me. I was going through a very difficult period for me (finishing uni & struggling with fear of failure related anxiety and depression). I was fortunate in that as my MH condition gradually improved, so did the SH, so I never had any specific treatment. Briefly crossed my mind a year ago or so when I suffered a relapse but thankfully recovered before acting on the thought. Sending love and support.

No partner, single parent. The children were with their father for new year which didn't help, I felt so alone even though I had offers of things to do. I'm just feeling in such a fog, I was very close to calling in sick to work this morning but I need to hold off as long as possible, it would be too easy to never go back and spend day after day in bed. It's so tempting. I hate feeling anxious, it's exhausting. And I'm ashamed, feel like it's a sign of being unable to cope. Thanks for your replies.