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Not coping with partners anxiety

4 replies

Natr2610 · 01/01/2019 20:20

Hi,
My husband has OCD. Since I have known him he has always been tidy, minimal and has everything in place. We have been married for 10 years and have 2 beautiful children. However, his OCD has worsened ( with the mess kids bring) and now followed with my recent husbands episodes of anxiety I am finding it hard to cope and find myself hating him. The problems are, I do everything. I am fortunate to work 3 days whilst my husband does 5 and because of that he expects me to do everything. And I do. Apart from cut the grass I do everything the kids require (breakfast,school run,feed,wash,teach,take them/collect from clubs, bedtime routine, read) and all the housework and weeding,collecting leaves,painting,diy...literally....everything! He can’t stand the mess and prefers to work longer so he can avoid the mess at home and come home when the kids are in bed and the house is perfect again. I love him so have always done it. If I don’t, he can’t cope with it and nags at me.
I know I am making him sound awful but he is a good dad and we have fun. However, with his recent anxiety which has worsened his OCD and nagging I just can’t cope. Whilst I was cooking, entertaining the children and tidying, he went into the lounge, shut the door (so as not to worsen his anxiety) and let me get on with it all even though I was being pulled in all directions with the kids and cooking. To shorten a long story I then just went ra! He then blames me for worsening his anxiety and has a panic attack and tells me he is moving out. Part of me thinks great...but then I don’t want to separate at the same time. Am I being a complete witch? Are we better off together? Or should I stick with him and see if he gets better after he deals with his current panic attacks? Sorry for the long message...

OP posts:
FleshLiabilities · 02/01/2019 06:59

Is he getting any help or medication for his anxiety? It sounds like it's worth getting him to the doctors for short term and long term help. If his OCD takes a particular form then there may be support groups he can attend.

FissionChips · 02/01/2019 09:17

He’s taking the piss out of you.

Any reason he can’t clean up if it stresses him so much? Does he not actually care about you or spending time with the children on an evening?

Just let him leave or, better still, kick him out.

You are not responsible for his mental health.

MitziK · 04/01/2019 02:49

If he's that bothered by it, he can help clean - it's better for somebody with anxiety to do something than sit there with it bubbling up.

IF you're prepared to accept him back, that is. You might find that not having to fanny about getting the place perfect and apparently empty of children for his dramatic entrance as Man of the House each night is a lot less stressful for you.

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 04/01/2019 02:52

He has an illness, this doesn’t make it any better for you. I would let him go and hopefully seek help. I the meantime concentrate on your children and continue being a great mum, they must have picked up on issues, reassure them it’s not there fault x

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