depression

[khurworth]

My husband of nearly 25 years suffers from depression. He was involved in a 2 year emotional affair that has been over for a year now, but he continues to be on the fence about whether or not he loves me or wants to continue our marriage. I hear the most hurtful comments from him. I work hard to separate what he says to me from how I feel about myself and how others see me. Basically, I find my self worth from within and from my friends and family. I am wondering if his comments are born from his depressed state, or if they are his honest feelings. Am I in an emotionally abusive relationship, or will it improve when he has a handle on his depression? Since his affair he has treated me differently than what he had done in our previous 22 years of marriage. I wonder if there is hope of him ever returning to the loving and affectionate spouse he was for most of our marriage.

All you can do is work on your own life - care for yourself, be active, go out, do what makes you happy. It sounds like this is what you are working at already. The best that can happen is that he will look to you as an example, pull himself up by the bootstrings and eventually re-engage. The worst that can happen is that he will a) continue to be depressed and non-committal and lurk around (in which case you will have a decision to make yourself but will be mentally stronger) or that b) he will leave and you will be mentally stronger to cope with it.
Don't exclude him, but don't indulge him.