I am so lost

[carryingoncarryingon]

Hello,
I'm a regular poster. This is outing if you know me so please don't out me.

I'm struggling a lot, I'm on citalopram because I can't pick myself up. In November I had an ectopic pregnancy, badly handled by the hospital. This was my 8th loss in 17 months and I'm not coping.

I've got tests today at the hospital, after my shift at the same hospital.
I'm a neonatal nurse.

I don't like the job I'm in, it's
Lonely and I'm out of my depth.
Im starting a new job in a few weeks, smaller and less pressure.

I'm here today, I want to cry. I cry on the way in, I cry on the way home. I feel lonely and lost. I want to curl up In a ball on the sofa until I can start my new job.

I don't even know what I'm writing to ask, just that maybe someone understands and can give me some direction?

I can't even ring my gp as I don't even know
What to say to them.

Sorry for your losses OP.

Make an appointment with you GP and say what you've written down on this thread. Hopefully they'll sign you off for a while. Best wishes.

Would that affect me starting my new job?

Is your new job with the same company/organisation? If not they wouldn't know.

Either way, you need time out, you sound very low.

I don't even know what to
Do,
It's still the same (nhs) just a different trust

What's your GP like? Can you go in for a chat at least. Anyone in RL you can talk to?

It usually helps to talk things through. Writing things down too I find helps. Useful if you tend to forget everything that needs covering like me.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling. What about calling someone like Mind and just having a chat with someone about things? I think a GP appointment is necessary but may not be possible until later in the week and therefore speaking to Samaritans or Mind may help in the interim.

It must be very hard when you are having so many losses to work in that environment 😕

Sending you a virtual hug 💐

Can you be signed off for a couple of months and have some psychotherapy. Can you change your starting date? NHS is usually very flexible. Only occu health world need to know, not your line manager. 8th losses is serious thing. I wouldn't underestimate its effect. Hope you look after yourself. Looks like you need to put yourself first before work etc. Sending you a hug

Thank you.

I think maybe I should push through and finish my last few shifts properly.

The gp I spoke to today said she will sign me off if I like, I just don't like letting anyone down

Glad you spoke to your GP. And good too that you have the option to be signed off OP. You really need to take care of yourself for now.

How are you doing today @carryingoncarryingon

I'm ok, had a good chat with work and my family and am just trying to take it easy. Take things day by day

Oh good, that sounds much better. Each day as it comes, that's right. No point in worrying about the past or future, concentrate on the now. All the best to you.

Thank you