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Life after being sectioned

18 replies

m0therofdragons · 27/12/2018 15:36

My friend (male) has been in an abusive relationship with his wife for the last year. Things changed after their dc was born and she would not care for the dc. It was always the plan for him to reduce his freelance work to become a sahd but she wasn't working for 10 months (was applying but is a highish earner so was being picky). Df supported her financially but she was demanding re brand new car etc. To keep the peace he gave her everything she asked for and a credit card which he paid off each month no questions.

She finally got a job and first pay check she said "that's all my money as I've earned it!" Df said nope it needed to be towards bills then left over money was hers.

It's been rocky and he's always walking on eggshells. I believe she has been suffering with post natal depression but she won't get help.

A month ago this all escalated and she was angry and violent. She left the home to stay with family and that night was worse and police were called by her family. She was sectioned and in isolation for 2 weeks as a danger to herself and others. The last week she's been doing home visits for a few hours a day. 2 days went well but 2 did not (everything was df's fault and leaving a dustpan and brush on the kitchen surface was a trigger for blame - df is terrible husband and father etc).

She's being discharged today and df is scared. I'm scared. It feels she's not ready and with a toddler in the house I can't understand how ss aren't involved. Df just has a small leaflet about being a carer.

She has no bond with dc and is big and strong (took 4 policemen to restrain her).

Can she genuinely recover from this sort of mental health episode that's been building for a period of time?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 27/12/2018 15:39

He can refuse to take her back. If he says he won't take responsibility for her they can't discharge her into his care. I learned that one the hard way.

m0therofdragons · 27/12/2018 15:40

She's said if he leave her her family will ensure he loses custody of dc so he feels trapped.

OP posts:
Waddsup12 · 27/12/2018 15:41

They are chucking her out as they will be struggling for beds.

Sounds way too soon.

m0therofdragons · 27/12/2018 15:46

That's my feeling. I'd feel a bit happier if there was a robust care plan in place but it doesn't sound like there is.

I genuinely fear she will kill him or their dd. Sometimes she accepts she's unwell but other times just blames him for everything.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 27/12/2018 15:48

He doesn't have to leave her. He can refuse to have her back in the house until she's stable. They will want the bed, if he agrees to taking responsibility for her then they'll discharge her. He has to refuse when they ask.

Zofloramummy · 27/12/2018 15:48

She is mentally unwell and highly unlikely to win custody of the children. I’d advise that he rings his local social services and asks the duty team for advice

m0therofdragons · 27/12/2018 15:54

Ss sent an unsigned letter to her advising her not to be violent towards family in front of dc (which at this point she hasn't). Ss are therefore aware but that's the only contact.

Her psychotic episodes seem controlled but her anger and general state is unstable / unpredictable.

What support post discharge should he reasonably expect?

Thank you so much for everyone's comments. This is so new to us all.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 27/12/2018 15:59

If he says he won't accept responsibility for her they will have to stay in touch if they discharge her as it's on their head. Make it very clear this is on them and he doesn't agree to her being discharged.

m0therofdragons · 27/12/2018 16:05

She was discharged this morning so I don't think he can go back on that now. It felt like he didn't have an option so this is useful to know.

OP posts:
Zofloramummy · 27/12/2018 16:09

Get him to ring SS for advice

Waddsup12 · 27/12/2018 16:11

Tell him to phone the crisis team/police if she kicks off.

He has to put himself and the kids first.

Accessing acute mental health treatment requires being brutal basically. It's not how it should be...

gamerchick · 27/12/2018 16:16

It felt like he didn't have an option so this is useful to know

Yes they do that, but there is absolutely options. He can refuse no matter how they pitch it. Keep it in mind for next time. I don't really know what to suggest now he's agreed. His main priority now is to keep the bairn safe and don't hesitate to ring police if he presents a danger.

gamerchick · 27/12/2018 16:16

*she

m0therofdragons · 27/12/2018 16:26

She's banned him from speaking to me so I am to stop messaging and calling. I understand he's trying to save his marriage and help her but she's using her illness to manipulate the situation. Worried sick. He's like a brother to me.

OP posts:
sheepsheep · 27/12/2018 16:36

Reverse this and think about it. If this was a man, there would be no way the mum would lose custody of the kids on the say so of the man's family.

That is nothing more than a threat. The courts are the only power to remove custody and they wouldn't be taking the children away from a functioning parent on the say of the parent who has recently been sectioned.

This is incredibly hard, as your friend is clearly so worn down from the abuse, but he needs to know that he has choices, and at this point his ONLY responsibility is to his kids.

He needs legal advice and maybe even a chat with a social worker.

m0therofdragons · 27/12/2018 16:38

He family has money and is from a different country. Child only has a uk passport though.

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 27/12/2018 16:44

*Her family not he

OP posts:
Zofloramummy · 27/12/2018 17:02

Honestly he needs to speak to a solicitor and social services.

His first and only concern is for the dc safety and being raised in a house with a violent unwell parent is not in their interests.

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