I think I have PND

[bigraindrops]

I think I have PND and have no idea what to think or do. I had my son 9.5 weeks ago and have two daughters aged 5 and 3. It was a planned and wanted pregnancy but since he arrived I have found myself thinking we have made a huge mistake. I am struggling to form any bond with him. I know I love him but I just feel this detachment. I don't want to 'cuddle' him or be close to him particularly. I will feed and change him of course but as soon as he's sorted I put him down. If I can hand him over to DH I will, at any opportunity.

I also feel incredibly guilty that I don't have enough time for DDs anymore. We used to do things together, particularly in the school holidays which we can't do anymore. DH is at work today and DDs are just having to sort themselves out and entertain themselves. 3yo has just been sat in front of her kindle all day. I have tried taking it off her but I have nothing else I can do to entertain her. She got things for christmas but mostly games and things that require parental help which I can't give. DS hasn't stopped crying all day so I haven't been able to do anything with them. My 5yo said 'I don't want the baby here anymore' which was like a kick in the gut and made doubly worse by the fact that deep down, I think I agreed with her.

I don't want to go to a GP as I don't want medicating. I have had MH issues before and GPs in the past have seemed wholly uninterested in getting to the cause and just prescribe medicine which I have had reactions to and IMO just serve to mask symptoms and not actually get to the root cause.

I just feel so overwhelmed and trapped and have no idea what to do

Oh bigraindrops I have no useful advice but wanted to reply as find myself in v similar situation. Also have DS 9 weeks and DD4, and am struggling. Unlike you (it sounds) I had PND after DD and went onto antidepressants, which really helped. Also had psychodynamic therapy (had been doing it for a few years already). Went back onto antidepressants and into therapy before we concieved DS but am struggling at the moment.

DD has been pretty much glued to her tablet since the baby arrived and I hate it. We've always been quite relaxed about screen time but this is something else. I am really snappy with her. Mornings used to be 'our time' but now I'm tired and grumpy from a broken night. She doesn't say anything but her behaviour is worse, and she's been very clingy. It breaks my heart. I'm also struggling with DS, I love and enjoy him but get SO frustrated that he won't nap, keeps crying etc. Feel a bit of a shit mum all round to be honest.

I am trying to remember that it's quality not quantity that matters with DD and to do one nice thing a day with her. Can be as small as painting her nails, watching something with her on TV. Its so tough though. I would also say that the therapy has been very helpful, and if you can afford to do this privately it is definitely worth looking into.

So sorry you're having a rubbish time. If it's any help, the feelings you describe about DS are exactly how I felt with DD when she was first born, and now I completely adore her. How is your DH when he's not working? Can he take DS and a DD so you can spend some time one on one with your other DD?

Thanks for your reply.

DH is extremely hands on and often does most of the baby care when he's not at work. I just think it's all getting on top of me.

Reluctantly going to get a doctor's appointment tomorrow but I think I probably do need medication to at least take the edge off. Going to ask to be referred for counselling too though

Do you want to sleep a lot, and cry?

Give it a bit longer, you might find you feel better. It can take time and three children are a handful.

Don't let the doc fob you off with medication which could make you worse. Talking to someone is useful and accepting any practical help that is available.

, OP

I had PND after my last child, it’s horrendous. I didn’t bond with her at all and even hearing her cry, made my anxiety go through the roof.

Good luck at the GP tomorrow. I was against medicine, but was at the point where I was ready to throw myself under a bus, so accepted I needed something to help.

Good luck and well done for recognising you need some support right now.

Your partner reads like he is on board, can you talk to him about how you feel?

Go to the appointment, get some help and remember, you aren’t super women so stop trying to be her!

I hope it all works out and I’m sure it will. Take care

Hey @bigraindrops, how's it going? Did you get to the doctor? If so, hope they were helpful.