Can't stand feeling like this any longer

[Carriewintermeadow]

I've been depressed on and off for years and I just can't bear to feel like this anymore. Everything is difficult. My grown up children will never be happy it seems.

Christmas has been lovely but I just feel sad all the time.

I want to be shut away alone for a long time. I can't cope with life anymore.

I'm taking antidepressants but feel no different. I'm due to see my gp next week. It's all extra stress - I struggle talking to people and going out. Getting an appointment is very difficult and I find it all extremely stressful.

I'd kill myself but can't do that to my youngest daughter who still lives at home.

I have a support worker but she's busy with more needy people. I saw the mental health team but I have to wait 18 months for one to one cbt. I have counselling but although it's useful I don't feel it's helping me feel less depressed.

I feel there's nothing anyone can do. It's been like this for 20 years on and off. What's the point in carrying on? I mean, I know I will because I have to, but it's unbearable.

Sorry, don't know why I'm posting, I know no one can do anything.

Don't apologise, it's always good to reach out. I feel very similar, years and years of depression. Have you tried online CBT? It can be a good stop gap, or MoodGym is useful too. Do you think your meds need changing or upping?

I am really sorry you feel this way, always know that the world is undoubtedly a better place for having you in it, however hard that it to see.

Never apologise for the way you are. I was struck by the way you said Christmas was lovely, you are still there, still feeling, still going. I was once told that finding the right antidepressant is more art than science. Perhaps, perhaps, focus on your GP appointment, this a good and hopefull thing to look forward to. Please don't lose hope, it can sometimes be hard to believe we are loved, but you are. Do take care, and good luck, it will get better.

Thanks for the replies.

I don't know about online cbt. I'm in Wales and they don't prescribe it here.

The antidepressant I'm on has helped with my menopausal hot flushes and I can't take hrt so I don't want to change it. I've heard they can combine two but my gp is reluctant to do so and I have no appointments with the mental health team who would maybe know more about this.

I'm sorry but i don't believe it will get better. It never does. I can't work, can't go out really, I struggle to find the motivation to get up or wash, I don't cook other than a little for my dd. She mainly gets her own food (She's 17).

I have physical problems that I can't discuss with a male doctor and I can't get an appointment with the one female gp who works one day a week. Even if I did theres little they can do because I barely leave the house and have a phobia that prevents anaesthetic.

I'm just a mess. I should never have had children, I've always found them hard work, can't cope with the responsibility and have never had a partner that would help. I have pets I can barely care for but can't attempt to rehome because my dd adores them. I'd attempt to get her to help with them but she's suffering with depression also and doing her A levels so severely stressed.

I think all this has worn me down over the years. I don't know how to continue.

GobblersKnob I'm so sorry you suffer with this too.

I think I just want someone to come and take over so I can go to sleep and not have to look after everyone and everything anymore.

Any suggestions where I can find online cbt?