So it's that time of year again and along with everything else that has turned to shit in the last 12 months, I've been unable to tolerate duloxetine, sertraline and SJW. Over the last almost 15 years I've also tried citalopram, fluoxetine, and mirtazapine. Haven't got on with any of them. Was in Psychotherapy weekly (sometimes twice weekly) until last April when my therapist left town. Was diagnosed with EUPD in the summer, but in the past have had diagnoses of depression, anxiety, dysthymia and PTSD. Have various chronic physical conditions (including fibromyalgia) and am now just about coping from day to day, but have almost zero commitments (apart from looking after myself) and very little social life. I'm depressed, and since visiting my family for an obligatory pre-xmas few days last week am feeling even more wretched. My BPD really came out with my mother and got the usual response (an unspoken "I can't cope with your feelings" - what's new). I chatted to a random guy online on Tuesday night (while I was away on aforementioned family thing) and convinced him and myself that I had urgent hots for him, but didn't physically meet him. The very next morning I woke up thinking "wtf have I done?" and completely backtracked on WhatsApp and even lied about my sister in law going into hospital to get out of meeting him. I felt like a fucking (scared) child. I'm 51. I told someone else a lie about something else that day but can't even remember what or who to now. The realisation of where my feelings and thoughts were taking me depressed me, though. Who the fuck even am I?!
Sorry, got off track. I need an AD that will actually help me and that my body can tolerate without too many side effects. Sertraline wrecked my stomach for months until recently and I just couldn't win with it. Sadly, it was actually helping with my mood and even motivated me a bit, and that's what I desperately need. But lustral and three generics all gave me a permanent upset tummy and I can't live like that.
Duloxetine was just fucking odd and made me hate myself even more than usual. SJW was useless. In the past, citalopram made me into a zombie, mirtazapine knocked me out cold, fluoxetine just made me ill.
Can anyone suggest an alternative that might work? I wanted to go the 5HTP route, but it gave me sickening migraines from the get-go, so that's a no-no sadly. My dream tonight is to get an emergency GP appointment tomorrow and be able to name a suggestion for something I can start trying tomorrow. Dreading a mostly lonely Christmas.
Btw, I'm a gay man, not a mum (or even a dad) but I adore my best friends' two little ones, to whom I'm a very privileged 'uncle'. That's why I first came on mumsnet (my 'niece' was born with life-threatening anomalies) and haven't been able to tear myself away from mumsnet Talk ever since! Hope that's ok 