not really , but a bit sad

[mufti]

didnt know where to post this, they may well be others who can relate to it
last year at the "grand" age of 44, i had ds who is 1 this week
i feel sad that he isnt such a baby anymore, idont know why. and,i would love another, for us and for him.
but,my age is not on my side. and dh is adamant against.
of course people do ask about it , which is not helpful
there is a bit more to it , for years in a previous marriage, i thought i was infertile , and had, more or less, accepted that i would not have any . i am now having trouble accepting that i wont have any more. im actually thinking more and more about it, which is not good i know, as there isnt really an answer.
i did post once before about this , i think the consensus was to be glad of him, and i really am.
but... i love babies.

I think it is time for a heart to heart with your husband. Just because you have your son doesn't mean you can't long for another baby. It doesn't mean you are any less grateful or happy to have your son. Clearly, time isn't on your side so you don't have that luxury. Could you agree to try for so many months and then if you don't conceive accept that is isn't meant to be? This isn't a feeling that will just go away. BTW Was your son planned, or a happy accident? Maybe that has changed how you feel about things.

Dear Mufti

Thinking of you feeling sad. My dd is just one too. The longing for a child is such a strong thing, I am not sure if this will help but have you tried accepting the feeling as opposed to following advice 'trying to be glad you have got one child' or other distractors. Allow yourself to feel sad and accept the longing, it is a sort of grief I think - a child wanted that may never come.

Anyway big hugs, you are not alone.

Tumblemum

he wasnt planned. we met when dh was 45, he never wanted marriage or children.
twice we slipped up with precautions , twice i fell, lost the first, fell for ds 4m after that.
so i guess i am more fertile than i thought,
but he got more ok with it with the second pg

This is such a hard one. I really want more children but know it isn't the best thing to do for us as a family. All you can do is talk to your husband.

Mufti, I do feel for you. I'm 40 and as ds was born through IVF am not sure if we will have another (though of course I feel very lucky just to have him). I think Tumblemum speaks a lot of sense, you need to "own" your feelings rather than denying them. And remember, there are advantages to having just one!

you ar right about it being a sort of grief tumblemum, as that is what i felt before, as you grow up assuming that you will have a family, as everyone else does, or seems to, and it seemed that it wasnt to be

I think you need to acknowledge how you feel by talking to your husband. It may well be that you could have another one, in spite of the fact you are 44.

Even if you don't decide to try again, you just need to keep talking about it until you feel that you are done talking. Your dh needs to understand how important it is for you and that you just want him to listen.

I have two and a desire such a desire for a third. I could persuade dh if I wanted too. But to be honest I don't think we could manage another for all sorts of reasons but I long for another child. I think however many I had I would always long for another child, it is part of who I am and the joy of motherhood.

i think tumblemum you have itg spot on, i could have another, they start growing up, and then, oh perhaps just one more etc etc! could end up with the waltons
oh 45 and a half now btw