How can I empty my head of worries?

[SunnySummerDays]

My worries won’t wont go anytime soon and my head is full of them. I go to sleep with them. I wake with them. It’s horrible.

I was already struggling to cope with something awful going on in my life that’s had a huge problem impact on my family, and am off work as just couldn’t cope. Was Crying every day at my desk,couldn’t breathe and trying put a brave face on, and it’s made me so run down.

Now a close family member is very ill and it’s just put me right back. I was hoping to get back to work. But I’m such a mess again.

I walk every day, keep busy. But it’s not enough to make the thoughts go away.

Any helpful suggestions please?
I just need to calm myself. I can’t make the troubles go away so I need to try and cope with them better. I walk but it makes you think! So the excercise and getting out is good but not helping mentally.

Try running. I have a lot of things on my mind and would go mad if I didn't run the negative thoughts away.

Mindfulness

Watching as I am a worrier too.

Someone suggested writing down at least 2 sides of a4 in the hour before you go to bed of all the thoughts in your head. Not a diary, more of a clearout. Do it every evening and it does work apparently (I’ve not tried it).

Audiobooks & podcasts while might help while you're walking at least. When I was going through a very stressful time I definitely found I tended to brood while I was walking, doing housework etc. Having an audiobook on really helped - needed to be something light enough not to need too much concentration, but with enough of a plot that I couldn't get distracted into my thoughts.

Yoga. It will teach techniques for calming your mind.

Download a mindfulness app

I have this issue too.

I began doing a meditation before bed that my best friend recommeded to me years ago just before she died. Basically lying in bed breathing in through the nose for count of two and out through the mouth and repeat. Then starting with the head "switch off" each body part going down to your toes feeling yourself relax into bed. Then think of three things that have made you smile or grateful in the day, remember you have survivied whatever has happened to you to today and have done brilliantly and finally tell yourself you have earnt your rest and give yourself permission to do so, most of the time it works for me, there's days it doesn't and then I need to rely on whatever I have in my CD player to listen to but mostly it does.

It's helped me a lot over the last ten days or so as my life has decidedly gone south on me. I still struggle. It's not a total solution by any means but I try whe doing things to try and think of positives. Today I was really unwell this morning and struggling to breathe. I went out despite that and managed to get food and medication. I needed to rest badly when I got back but struggled to as my mind just latched on to everything that's going on in my life right now, this afternoon I tried to sleep but couldn't. I write to someone close to me who died and try to do so every day, I personally don't find writing my worries before sleep helps because I struggle to let them go, but I try to do it earlier in the evening, ramblings mostly. Sometimes helpful sometimes not.

I know this sounds stupid, but it works for me. Tonight, sleep at the other end of the bed. Leave your worries where you usually sleep and sleep upside down. I know it sounds ridiculous but the sheer act of moving away from your worries works.

libra I used to do that, now I need special equipment to put myself in the right position but it would work for me at the time temporarily.

I’m reading The Power of Now. It’s quite enlightening but difficult to do what the book recommends. If you could master it, it would change your life! Worth a read though, even just to put a few things into perspective.

The essence of it is that the past is gone, the future doesn’t exist, all you have is this moment here and now. You are connected with the earth and everyone/thing in it and by getting so hung up on ‘thinking’ you are missing out on being.

And maybe a yoganidra you tube or podcast. My yoga teacher did this as our last session of the year and at least two people ended up snoring . It was so relaxing, just being totally attuned to your body and not thinking of anything else.

Nidra is a bit like what Becca’s friend r commended, working your way down each part of your body just being aware of it.

Philosophy. Or religion.

All worry is borne of a lack of accurate perspective.

I was like this but have just finished 10 weeks of cbt therapy. It has changed my life. There's also loads on the internet. Apps and website called get self help. Work through your worries. Write them down and use fact or opinion to work out what you are really worrying about. Look at a worry tree. Ask yourself what you'd tell a friend. It's hard work but once you start it's amazing.

Sounds bizarre but have you tried actually concentrating on one worry at a time and giving yourself a set amount of time to think about it?

Quite often you find that either you start to see things you can do, or you start to see that you really can’t do anything. Both help turn the worry into something else.

You’ve all been so helpful. Everything everyone has put could help. Thank you becca for your long post.

I’m going to make a list of your suggestions tomorrow. And look them all up.

I thought I was doing ok. I’m putting a brave face on for my children (teens) as I think they will think if mums ok we will be too. It’s hard work though, so tiring. When they aren’t about I cry. I really need to try and find a way to cope with each day. My dad being poorly is the straw that broke the camels back. I cried all the way to Tesco earlier.

Doctor offered me counselling but I think until my major worry gets cleared up I’m in limbo,I can’t close the book. So I need it done and over so I can heal from it. But then I wonder if counselling will just open the box when I’m trying hard to bury it at the moment. When it opens, the thoughts all Pour our in a torrent so I’m trying not to think about it, and hence want to try and lose the thoughts.

I suffered terrible anxiety a few years ago and ran. Miles and miles and it really massively helped. It healed me. Just amazing.
But anxiety is different to this depression I have now. I walk now but it’s not helping my head. I’m angry and cross and frightened about what’s going on in life. Hence the thoughts in my head. I can’t fix what’s going on, out of my hands, so I have to find a way to cope with it.

Hence the thoughts in my head

Thoughts are not real. They only become real when you believe in them.

I can’t fix what’s going on, out of my hands

No one can control life

so I have to find a way to cope with it

Let go of thought and let go of controlling life.

Don't try to empty your head or force the worries to go away altogether. That is impossible and will make you frustrated. Instead, watch the worry as it enters your head, try to just observe it and identify it as 'just a thought', without getting involved in it, then watch it float away out of your head again. It's not easy at first, but it can be done. Worries, intrusive thoughts etc are very common, but they are thoughts not truth. Don't give them power over you.

I used to say to myself once this 'real' thing I am worrying about is sorted I will be ok or I can work on the rest of the anxiety but the truth is there will always be something and it's how you deal with it that is the problem not what you're worrying about. You actually need to pay attention to your worries and set aside ten minutes or whatever a day to work through them. Once you have done this they will fade from your mind so you can find peace.

It sounds like you’re having a really hard time

From what you’ve said it sounds like the thoughts you don’t want to have are breaking through regardless of what you try and do. It might be worth trying counselling (now, rather than once whatever it is has come to pass) as it could be a place to let the thoughts out for a bit which might make them easier to deal with the rest of the time. I really understand your fear of them just flooding out and taking over but I found that if I could be sad/angry/whatever in counselling then I felt a bit better after the session whereas if I tried to keep everything in then I felt worse. It’s something about being able to worry with another person listening and caring.

Christmas can be a tough time as well when you’ve got family stuff going on, I hope you manage to enjoy some of it.

Have your children got someone they can talk to if they need to, maybe via school? (I’m not sure how they are affected but your first post made it sound like they might be) It sounds like you’re probably avoiding talking to them about it in case you get overwhelmed.

I don't have any solutions as I have the same problem. But there's a book called The Worry Cure which is very good. It's remembering to apply the principles which is so difficult.

I've been trying to do yoga and mindfulness but not finding it that helpful. I may get a brief respite but then I'm back towering 5 seconds later so what's the point. I've lent that book to a friend and need to get it back as it did help briefly. Part of the key is facing the fears head on. E.g. I have a terror of making wrong decisions and worry about them obsessively, so one of the things it suggests is to acknowledge the fear and the fact it's impossible to avoid. So I try to say to myself over over 'today I might make a decision I regret'. Like a kind of exposure therapy