I feel like I don't know how to be happy

[Breakawaygirl]

Hi all

Essentially, I am going through a really strange time in my life right now and I don't know what to do. I am 29, and feel that this is 'make or break time.'

My mum is unwell with cancer, which she has been battling for five years, I am married but not very happily (my husband is loyal and loving but I don't feel we are compatible and I spend most of my time feeling bored and unfulfilled, for example he is untalkative and can happily sit in silence for days on end whereas I am a communicator and need conversation to feel close.) On top of this I am losing my job in June (a blessing in disguise as I want to move into nutrition or conservation and this may be my chance to do so.)

I just feel I have no certainty...not my mum's health, not my marriage, and not my job.

Even when I have had less stressful times in life, like travelling etc, I am often consumed with envy, grass is greener and insecurity. I always feel the rug will be pulled out from under me, that something will go 'wrong', like I can't truly enjoy anything.

My dad lovingly says I am a 'flapper' and that I have always, since childhood, needed something to worry about.

Can anyone relate?

I know it must seem overwhelming at the moment with all that's going on. But try to focus on the positives, the things you DO have control over. This could be a really exciting time in your life if you look at it a bit differently.

You're not happy with your husband, have you considered a divorce? Leaving your H will give you the opportunity to potentially meet someone amazing, someone you are more compatible with and could share your life.

If you're loosing your job soon, why not start looking at courses, career guidance, etc. You could use this as an opportunity to explore those new areas you think you might like to work in (nutrition or conservation). Maybe you could volunteer in those areas now and see if it's something you would like to pursue?

Maybe you would like to start over? Move to a new place, meet new people, or just find a new hobby. Find something you enjoy, a place you like to be, people you like to be with.

Enjoy the time with your mum. Is there anything you two like to do together? It can be tough caring for someone who is ill. There are lots of support groups available for people with illness like cancer. Maybe you would benefit from joining one?

You are still young (29). Figure out what you enjoy, what are the things that make you smile or feel at peace? Is there a friend or someone IRL that you could talk to? The new years is a great time to start something new. Commit to yourself that you are going to make a change.

Good Luck!

I got a lot out of reading "the happiness trap" You might relate to it from what you've said and it has some great techniques in it.

It sounds like you have an awful lot going on at the moment, so I'm not surprised you feel unsettled. Do you have a plan in relation to the things you can control, job and relationship? That might help. Do you think you can make changes in your marriage, or do you need to start making an exit plan?

I can relate to the worrying about everything though. I've always done that. As I've got older I have learned to accept that is how I am and how my brain works. I will always worry but I can be happy alongside it.

Thank you all for your replies.

I think I just feel a bit paralysed by it all. Some days I feel so overwhelmed that I just have a bath and read a book. I can't sit and think about my marriage or my job or my mother, although I AM thinking about them in that I'm worrying constantly.

I feel terrified to stay or go, terrified of the change. It just feels like there is too much upheaval on the way and I just don't know how to manage it all. As an anxious person anyway, this is all really hard for me, and to happen just before I turn 30, I feel I have somehow 'failed' at life. It's all falling apart when it 'should be' falling together.