Just a little history....
during childhood I had a chronic illness which worsened aged 9 - 16
At 13 - 18 I repeatedly witnessed sexual abuse of my foster brother by my father
At 17 I was diagnosed infertile due to my treatment for illness
At 19 my father committed suicide as the truth came out
From 20 my relationship with my mother has been strained due to her mental health and behaviour she displays
During my 20’s I felt lonely and unloved and found it difficult to form romantic relationships
Between 30-35 I underwent 6 rounds of ivf, only one test positive which resulted in miscarriage at 6 weeks
Aged 35 on the last attempt my dreams came true and my baby girl arrived!
I think I’ve alwsys suffered with low mood and anxiety. During pregnancy I was very anxious and following birth that hightened anxiety didn’t go. I’ve had a formal diagnosis of PTSD due to all the past experiences and had therapy during this past year. This really helped and has given me a good understanding of why I feel and react as I do.
It took a lot to do that, I’ve kept all my emotions to myself for years but the past 4 months I’ve been struggling again.
It’s taken all my bravery to go to the gp since today he suggested medication and signing me off work. I just cried and felt so overwhelmed. I said I’d think about it and go back next week.
I’m not sure what I’m scared about, the future, being dependant, going out my mind, not being able to hold it together myself?
I just wondered if anyone else taking meds felt just as worried?
I don’t know what to do and this is now adding to my anxiety and low mood
Thank you