Anxiety

[bellainthemiddle]

The last month or so I've been totally overwhelmed with anxiety. I'm pregnant and some of the anxieties have been pregnancy-related, but I've also just been getting ridiculously worked up over the smallest things, or over nothing at all. It hit a point last week where I was just in constant floods of tears over anything and everything and barely managing to sleep, eat, etc. etc..

I went to the GP, who gave me a crisis line number, and otherwise pretty much advised me to calm down and learn to deal with it. I know I should be able to, but at the moment I am struggling to - and I feel really rubbish about myself because of that. (I called the number and they advised me to self-refer for CBT, but the self-referral won't be processed till after Christmas.)

When I saw the MW she felt the GP should have given more help and managed to get me an out of hours appointment at the weekend, where the doctor I saw prescribed me Sertraline. I was worried about taking it because of the risks, but I equally afraid of the risks of carrying on as I was and took the plunge.

The Sertraline has actually made me even more anxious over these first few days (but I understand that this is normal) and I've been having panic attacks, horrible thoughts, all the rest of it. I'm stressing out because they only gave me 2 weeks supply, but I can't get a GP appointment to review within the next 2 weeks. So I am basically panicking, because I'm worried about taking the medication and concerned that we're about to hit the Christmas week when basically everything will shut down.

So I'm basically in a massive panic, and any advice or experience that anyone can offer would be gratefully received. x

What are you anxious about? If you can narrow this down, it’s easier to deal with it.

Firstly, I very sorry you are going through this. It is the last thing you need and such a scary horrible experience.

You should be able to get an emergency GP appointment within 2 weeks, notwithstanding the Christmas period. Phone them tomorrow and explain your circumstances - Explain your concern about timing. Don’t feel worried about doing that, your mental health is super important, especially as you are pregnant. If you don’t get to see someone, I recommend calling your midwife again; it sounds like she was pragmatic and helpful and linked up to be able to get you some help.

If you need to speak to someone urgently, do call the samaritans on 116 123.

You don’t mention a partner or close friends/family, but of speaking to them is an option, it may help. Sometimes it can also be good to have someone to help or speak up for you when trying to get a medical appointment or when you do see a doctor.

Best of luck, sending you hugs. Remember to breathe - it’s a lifesaver.

Originally it was centred around a few things... that I won't be a good mum, that I'm failing at work, that I can't cope with any kind of confrontation or conflict without going to pieces. All things that haven't worried me at all in the past, so it's a bit out of the blue, and this then makes me anxious that I'm never going to get back to normal, I won't be able to cope ever again. I know it all sounds ridiculously small!

@VMcMummy thank you so much for your reply. DP is away for work till Friday and although he does know what's going on, I've been feeling bad about explaining just how awful it's got. I feel like I'm being really selfish. When he was here at the beginning of the week I actually felt better and managed to put quite a good face on things. If I call up and share all I'm feeling, it's just going to worry him and I feel bad about that. I've spoken a little to close friends but it's often been the case that I've been the "supportive friend" when they're going through tough times, and I don't know how to "do" the other side of the conversation - although I know that sounds really weird!

I did actually ask the GP surgery for an appointment and explained (or tried to explain) the circs, but they are clearly rushed off their feet and couldn't or wouldn't offer an appointment. I was so anxious when I spoke to them that I got all tearful and it obviously got on their nerves!

Maybe best to go through the MW again, as you suggest? My concern is that both she and the out of hours doctor said I really had to go to my own GP because only they can review / prescribe these meds long-term.

Thanks for all your help x

If anyone has experience of the Sertraline btw, good or bad, I'd be really interested to hear about it!

Or any experience of anxiety during pregnancy!

Aw love, this is hard. It sounds like you have a good midwife, definitely make use of her to get the surgery to take you seriously. Have you told her how unhelpful they are being? They sound useless, you are doing the right and responsible thing and they should be trying to help you with it.

I took sertraline all the way through my last pregnancy - I'd been on it for a while but I remember that it takes a few weeks for the real benefits to kick in. Don't worry about effects on the baby. Sertraline is really safe. It helped me a lot.

Everything you are worried about is v familiar to me. Don't minimise it - becoming a mother is a huge transition and I really think it's completely sensible to worry about it! If you can afford private therapy you might want to look into this. In the meantime, do open up to DP. It sounds like you're a 'coper' but in fact talking about your worries and fears is a very important coping strategy. You are doing the heavy lifting of making a baby, and your DPs job is to support you in that, in whatever way you need.

As to not going back to 'normal' - you don't say how far along you are in the pregnancy but the hormone surges are crazy, especially in the early days, and they do have a big effect on mood. The same happens after you give birth. I've done this twice now, and you do go back to feeling yourself. It's very scary when it feels like you won't - but you truly will.

You might also want to look at PANDAS (on phone so can't link, but Google it) which is a support network for antenatal and postnatal depression and anxiety. I found it really helpful.

Good luck and big hugs. It is hard, but you are doing all the right things. I hope it gets better for you soon.

Thank you so much for the response. It's such a relief to hear that Sertraline is "safe" in pregnancy, because even though the doctor said that it was OK I got worried after reading the leaflet!

I've been told that it takes a few weeks to have effect, but at the moment I just feel like I'm in this big black hole of anxiety and can't climb out of it.

My midwife wasn't particularly impressed by the GP ("I don't know what he's playing at" is a polite translation of what she said) but the problem is that I think he's the new lead GP and because he saw me and said I was fine, didn't need a follow up, etc. the surgery now won't book anything.

Thank you very much for mentioning the PANDAS website, I've googled and found and will definitely take a look. You have done so amazingly to come through this - it gives a little bit of hope to people like me!

(Forgot to say, I am still 1st tri - 10 weeks - so I know that hormones can be all over the place at this point!)

Had a total meltdown at work today and basically cried and panicked for most of the afternoon. It feels sooo ridiculous! Fortunately, nobody else was working in the office space, or it could have been quite embarrassing...

Sending heaps of empathy your way. I came off my ADs (for anxiety & panic) before ttc & had a complete panic meltdown that sounds similar to your experience. With GPs support I went back on Citalopram & after a few months felt much better again. We agreed that there was no way I could look after a baby in the state I was (could barely muster the effort to brush my hair). I am now 7mths preg & so far so good & no complications. So glad I went back on & stayed on the meds.
Sorry your first GP was so unsupportive - that's totally unacceptable.
It took 5/6 months for my CBT referral to come through so I paid for private therapy in desperation. Worth considering if you have the means. Xxx

Hi, I'm currently on the tail end of this as my meds are starting to settle and I've found a decent dose that works for me.
My anxiety led me to stop eating, sleeping and general feeling very low. I had to finish work at 28weeks because I kept having panic attacks.
With my medication I was unwilling to try them at first, but tbh it was the best thing I've ever done and stuck with it (the first couple of weeks as they settle were awful). I won't lie and say I feel fantastic because I don't but ive been working closely with my midwife surrounding my mental health and then a regular GP who I found to be understanding.
I have started a mindfulness course through the midwife which is made for pregnant women and teaches techniques to deal with my anxiety.
Sending lots of good vibes x

Stick with the Sertraline. It might take a couple of weeks but you'll notice that the time between meltdowns will get longer and you'll start to feel tonnes better. GAD here and I was in a huge state before I got help.

Make sure to self refer now too. Maybe try a CBT app too in the meantime until they can get you in? I used one my therapist recommended and there are some pretty good ones out there.

Aw bella sorry to hear about the work meltdown. You are really in the thick of it at 10 weeks, your hormones are insane.

The doctors sounds spectacularly unhelpful! You really shouldn't be sent off with two weeks of sertraline and no follow up plans! Was the doctor who prescribed it based at your surgery? If not, I'd ring the surgery and explain you've started this medication and need to see someone to review the prescription/dosage etc. Don't take no for an answer! It would be really bad of them to leave you without support for continuing the medication.

Is there a perinatal mental health team the midwife can refer you to? They may also be able to help.

You're doing so well to keep seeking the help you deserve in the face of so much incompetence, this is exactly what your baby needs. Keep going!

Thank you sooo much for all the supportive responses. It's such a relief to know that other people have got through this, it gives me the confidence that I will be able to too. I've been feeling a tiny bit better today - less panicky and tearful. On the downside, I'm still feeling really sick (can't tell if it's morning sickness, a side-effect, anxiety or a combination of all three) and all I've managed to eat is ryvita and boiled sweets, which doesn't seem very nutritional.

The GP who prescribed me was not at my surgery (it was the Borough out of hours one) so he explained that he really couldn't do anything apart from the short-term prescription and advised me to follow up with my own GP this week. But unfortunately they have no appointments. They've advised me to call tomorrow to ask about cancellations, but if there aren't any I don't really know what to do :S We're due to go to stay with DP family on Monday and I'm really worried about going away in this messy state.

P. S. I've done the self-referral for IAPTS and apparently in this Borough they usually go through pretty quick, so that's a good thing at least!

Urgh what a shambles they are! Any chance you could see the out of hours person again, just to get another prescription to tide you over til after Christmas and eliminate that worry at least? If the surgery can't fit you in tomorrow, that is. Really hope they can though.

Re in-laws - that's a tricky one. Best thing would be to be honest about what's going on but that is not always easy or possible, especially when you're in the thick of it. Do they know you're pregnant? If so, you could just claim really bad sickness and hide in bed a lot (sounds like that wouldn't be stretching the truth either). If they don't, maybe some strategic migraines or a bout of food poisoning... Don't get hung up on having to put on a brave face. You can get the space and time you need without having to bare your soul to them. Maybe talk to DH as well so he is on board and can help you when you need some time out.

I walked into my GP surgery burst into tears & said I was having a mental health crisis & couldn't stop crying, & was seen by a lovely dr within an hour. I didn't do it on purpose - I'd gone in to ask about something related and started to have a panic attack / meltdown... the receptionist got me some water and another patient waiting gave me a hug & said she knew exactly how I felt... I think I was very lucky but if you get really desperate don't be afraid to take yourself to the dr or A&E and ask for help.

Thank you both - it's great to get some advice from people who know what it feels like. I am feeling for the surgery because I think they've had staff off sick with the winter flu and it's a busy London surgery at the best of times. My usual GP is fantastic but I think I've just been unlucky and hit a busy/disorganised period.

I do feel like I need to just get things sorted so that I know how I can move forward and I'm crossing my fingers for an appointment tomorrow - if not, I'll see if I can get another out of hours appointment.

My in laws are lovely but super energetic and it's always non-stop talk, charades and strenuous walks up the hills, etc.! They do know that I'm pregnant, so I may have to use the sickness thing a bit just to get some space to breathe!

I managed to get an appointment at my GP surgery this morning when I rang for cancellations and I'm so glad I persevered! The doctor I saw said that I should keep going with the Sertraline for the moment but come back in a week and a half to review and see if it needs increasing or changing. She also talked about some breathing exercises I can do to feel calmer if I get very panicky and said I should be kind to myself and take plenty of time out over Christmas week.

So I feel a lot better now, just having a plan and knowing that someone is taking it seriously and not thinking I'm just weak and feeble!

I'm so glad you got to see the GP & that they were supportive. That sounds like good advice. I had weekly, then fortnightly reviews with my GP for several months as I slowly improved & was waiting for my therapy referral to come through. We made the next appointment each time we met so that I didn't have to deal with the receptionists which was also really helpful.
I found knowing I had another GP review set up made me feel like I had a milestone to focus on & something to aim for when I was having difficult moments.

Not sure if it's already i this thread but I really recommend the headspace app for relaxation & breathing exercises.
Sending positive vibes for a restful Christmas ...

Thank you for the Headspace app recommendation, I'll definitely have a look. I've been a bit wobbly this evening (still getting anxious about going away on Monday) but I've been holding it together a bit better than I was over the last couple of days.

It's good that your GP was supportive and helpful. It must have been so hard for you to go through that situation at the surgery. After I had my "calm down and learn how to deal with it" appointment a week and a half ago, I was in floods of tears and it was quite embarrassing!

Did you make your next appointment before you left? Is it possible to do that at your surgery? It might be worth popping in/ringing them as the will still be super busy. Advise the receptionist that the Dr told you to make the appointment before you left but it was too busy or you forgot.

Good luck

Yeah, I did - although the receptionist was keen to make it a telephone appointment with the practice pharmacist because that's all that would be needed for medication review, but I managed to squeak out that the doctor said it should be a face-to-face appointment. I was quite pleased with myself that I managed to ask because I've been utterly useless at asking for or demanding anything in any context lately. I guess it's just anxiety or lack of confidence, but it's quite weird because I'm usually quite OK in these sorts in situations!