Is this some kind of PND? Or just how all mom's feel?

[Rubyduby26]

Hi everyone just wanted to hear some advice and experiences please.

I have a beautiful 8 month old DS who is the light of my life! It took over 4 years for me and my partner to conceive and we are both in love with him.

He is such a happy, laid back, easy baby! I am currently on maternity leave and do the vast majority of childcare. I feed him, change all his nappies, baths, bedtime, naptime, dress him, deal with all his night wakeups etc. I also spend lots of time each day playing with him, reading, singing, bouncing him, going for walks and letting him use me as a jungle gym. We currently live with MIL who I get along with. We visit my mom's a few times a week and sometimes stay there for a night, we also see my sister a few times a week.

The issue I have is I believe my DS doesn't really like me that much and feel he would be better off if I was out of the picture. When he sees other family members his face lights up like it never has to me, and he puts his arms out to go to them straight away and never does it to come back to me.

He also sometimes grizzles/cries when other people leave a room but has never done this when I walk away. If he bumps himself he wants to go to DP or another family member rather than me. I feel like I am doing something horribly wrong and am concerned about him not having a secure attachment to his primary caregiver and I don't want this to cause him issues in the future.

I dont think he dislikes me as he does smile at me, we laugh together and we have lovely days together where he is happy all day long, but its not the same happiness he gets from others, and I know other people are a bit of a novelty as he sees me all day everyday. So I don't know why I feel like this. I wholeheartedly beleive he would be happier if someone else was his main caregiver as he could form a strong attachment to someone else the way he doesn't seem to have done with me. It's not just in my head as he definitely does want other people if he bumps himself and he does cry if others leave the room.

I want him to have these lovely relationships with everyone else, it's lovely seeing his face light up and watching him play with everyone, I just wished I could have a bit of it from him as well. I just feel awful that he has ended up with me as his mom and has to spend his days with me when I beleive he would be much happier with other family members who he seems to prefer.

Everyone tells me I am a good mom and I do try my best, I have got an endless amount of time and patience for him (even when he's crawling over me for hours at night rather than sleeping) and he has never been left to cry or anything like that, I always sort out anything for him straight away so he doesn't really cry much at all really!

Regardless of all of this I would still sell my soul to the devil for him, I love him more than anything in the world and just want what's best for him which I sadly don't think is me.

Is this normal for an 8 month old baby? Do all mom's go through feelings like this? Or is this PND? I have been thinking about booking a GP appointment but thought i would get some advice first. Please share any of your advice of experiences, thank you!

I have only read a part of your post, but I had to respond immediately. Babies take their mothers for granted, you are his entire world and anchor, he doesn't need to seek attention or approval from you by smiling or lifting his arms because you are his lifeline! I think we all feel exhausted and taken for granted but you are his existence, he can just relax with you.
I think you're probably quite tired by now, you sound like a very hands on mother. His taking you for an absolute in his life at this young age proves that.
As for PND, I don't know. I would be wary if this feeling persists though.

To me it sounds like your DS has a really secure attachment to you because you've done such a lovely job of making him feel loved, reassured and safe. When babies have a secure attachment they generally feel confident that you will come back to them and so are likely to be less clingy or angry with you coming and going (ignoring any separation anxiety phases!). So I'd pat myself on the back if I were you:)

It's also probably partly him being used to seeing you all the time and the novelty of different people like pp mentioned

I'm sure he loves you!

Thanks for both your replies! I get about the novelty of other people, I thinks it's wanting other people if he bumps himself that is making me feel worse at the moment as I thought all babies wanted their mom if they were hurt, so I just feel like I've done something seriously wrong if he thinks he can't rely on me to make him feel better.

I dont know why I feel he would be better off without me as I know no-one could ever love or care about him as much as I do.

I think I might try and book in to see the GP even if nothing comes from the appointment I think I will feel better saying it out loud!

Just wanted to update, I am feeling much better about everything atm. I still have moments where I feel he's better off without me but most days I don't I did some soul searching and I think it's because we tried for so long to conceive and I just feel like I don't deserve such a beautiful little soul! But I have just been telling myself I do deserve him and without me he wouldn't be developing into the little character that he is! Thanks for your replies they made me stop doubting myself! X

Hey ruby, that is lovely to hear! So pleased things have improved for you. I think we all have days where we doubt ourselves so make sure you let yourself off the hook when those feelings emerge. All the best to you and your little one :)