Is this OCD?

[bumblebee39]

I am obsessed with finding

1. The perfect routine
2. The perfect diet
3. The medication that will fix me
4. The cleaning product that will motivate me to clean
5. The perfect friend/fella/therapy to fix me

I often spend hours ruminating on things, trying to feel the "right" way and think the "right" thoughts so I can start the day "right" otherwise I just try to avoid starting the day at all

I go from extremes. Either I clean everything within an inch of its life or feel so overwhelmed by everything I do not begin. If it's the latter I will then sit in the mess and plan how to make tomorrow start "right" so I can do it "right"

I delete my work. I write it all and then I delete it. Then I rewrite and rewrite until I'm frustrated and delete it again. I do not feel like it falls right (it never falls right)

I cannot "sit with myself" as I am a google addict
I get health anxiety and ring helplines or the Samaritans, or go back to the Drs. This never eases me I always feel worse.

I worry that my teeth will fall out. Sometimes I brush for 30 minutes.
If I don't floss I feel dirty.
Sometimes I shower 3x a day and I never rewear clothes
Other times the effort of getting dressed makes me actually cry
I always look like crap

I'm paranoid about smells. I rewash perfectly clean clothes incase they smell of mould I can't smell etc.

I worry the kids teeth will rot out (they have perfect teeth)

I hoard food and cleaning supplies and medicines and stationary. I could survive an apocalypse I think (again... This has began to get out of hand again)

I am terrified of being sick. This leads me to use caffeine, laxitives and antisickness meds and never eat until I'm full. I also read packets, in detail. If I can't find out what I want to know I go back on Google.

I "check" that passers by aren't shouting at me or that I'm not talking to myself. If I have no one to check with then I will physically hold my breath to listen or put my hand over my mouth to stop myself from talking and feel incredibly anxious
I get this Even in my house, my bed, etc.

When I have "bad" thoughts I have to check I haven't said them out loud and then "rethink" by mentally going back over the thought until it's erased.

I know this makes no sense. But is it OCD? My house is a mess, but I know that's a misconception.

I have OCD. Never been diagnosised but have received therapy for it.
I'd say you also have it. The having to feel "right" about things id a classic symptom. It can take many forms, not just the stereotypical cleaning type.
There are lots of good books that can help esp ones by David Veale. Antidepressants can also help. Ocduk is a great website with lots of information and a fab chat forum. You are definitely not alone xx

Whether you have OCD or another condition you do need some support, have you ever been referred or seen a psychiatrist?