Last week in the supermarket, piled on my items mixed with partners items (we don't live together), he asks 'who is paying for all this?' to which I replied that he is. He then says with a worried look on his face 'my funds are starting to run low'.
I took the stuff I had picked up n stuck a divider between his stuff and mine. I was fuming! For some back story I had just checked my account which had 30 pounds left in, didn't want to spend incase a direct debit was about to come out (no way of checking banking as laptop broken). I don't work, I had to give up my job when I fostered my sister's s baby.
I'm really struggling with money, racked up debt that was nearly paid off to ensure our child and my sisters child have presents under the tree Christmas morning, along with others I need to buy for. All money I do receive goes on bills and food with no spare for luxuries, I'm basically just getting by. Tbf my partner has helped in the past with bits of shopping and is not tight with cash, but this comment annoyed me, especially as the items I had were essentials like milk and pet food and only cost me 8 quid in total.
What has annoyed me further is my mother has refused to watch my sisters child one day this week so I can do a days work to help a friend out, this would have earned me some pocket money to help with bills and only a one off. Her reason, she plans to do her ironing that day.
I feel so selfish asking people if I can rely on them, especially my mum as she already has my Foster child a few days a week while I study for a degree but I am so skint. To top this off I have picked stuff up that she's asked me to get in the shops when I have had benefits put in the bank and ordered things from catalogue that she wanted, no money has been paid back yet, even though she's been out Christmas shopping.
I know she's in the same boat as me, she also lives on benefits.
Im struggling so much with this set up, I rely on my mother here and there to watch her grandchild while I get things done around the house or go shopping, never to just relax, always to get something else done. On top of this I have assignments due in and get woken up every night and I'm extremely sleep deprived n ready to sleep at 6 in the afternoon.
I'm struggling so much but I feel selfish. I want the children to have a normal life but I feel I am failing at that because I can't manage the demands of the baby and the lack of money, I have always worked.
I told my mother I was struggling, physically and mentally and she just said this child is our family and we must keep it that way at all costs. I feel so desperate about everything that my mind says the only way out is suicide, I know this is not true but the thoughts are getting more and more intrusive