Horrific, constant images in my mind

[lindoee]

Hey. Just to warn everyone this thread will contain graphic content.

By the age of 14 I'd witnessed all my siblings die with my brother dying in horrific circumstances. I had to identify his body.

I managed to cope well. Did well in life, got a good job and was happy.

Then when I had my Son I developed horrendous post natal depression from the second he was born which took 4 years to go.

My postnatal depression cleared very quickly after starting anti-depressants however one symptom has never gone away. Since having my son I have experienced uncontrollable, debilitating flash backs and memories of my brothers bloodied body. I also have snippets of memories from when he was alive. I imagine the scenario of him committing suicide. Sometimes it stops me from even being aware of what I'm doing.

Since my sertraline dose was increased my symptoms have improved a lot but they're still every day and upsetting.

I have never discussed this with anyone. I have regular check ups with my GP but he thinks I'm going well as we only discuss my depression. I have a meeting with my GP tomorrow and I am wondering if it would be wise to discuss these symptoms with him.

I would love to receive some cognitive behavioural therapy or another psychological therapy but I am so worried that the GP will be concerned about my symptoms and refer me to social services. I have never and would never hurt my son who is 5.

I have no recollection of my childhood and believe I suffer from memory black out. I would love to get some help with all this.

Any advice for me? If I tell my GP this will he diagnose me with something serious and refer me to a psychiatrist? I have a good job and could lose it with a serious diagnosis.

OP you have nothing to worry about. There is no reason why your GP would be concerned about anything but your MH. Social services would not be interested.

I don't know anything about PTSD but these intrusive thoughts sound to me like that. Perhaps a different medication and specialist therapy would be best for you. Do speak to your GP. No one will judge your ability as a parent.

Hi Op, nobody will call SS unless your ds is actually in danger of neglect or abuse, which he isn't. I've been under the care of CMHT for 3 years and nobody has ever suggested SS involvement is necessary. It's very important to be honest with your gp and get a referral.

I'd look into an experienced EMDR therapist

Sorry for your awful experiences.

I have PTSD and I got that (I lost a child) I have always been honest with professionals and never been reported to SS.

I'm so sorry for what you have been through.

Sounds like Pure O, OCD variant, to me. It's treatable, don't worry. The images you describe are classics - psychiatrists are used to it, they won't bat an eyelid.

What you're experiencing is frightening and draining and I imagine it's having quite a negative impact on your life. I can't diagnose but as previously mentioned, PTSD or some variant thereof sounds like the cause. Very difficult to live with if untreated, and likely to worsen over time without professional intervention.

Please please do mention it to your GP and emphasise the impact it's having on your life. I'm particularly concerned to read about the dissociative aspects, losing awareness of what you're doing. That can be dangerous and your GP must suppport you with that through referral to mental health services. Once you've been referred they'll assess you and I suggest you also mention your 'missing' childhood memories, particularly because you mention having lost all your siblings by age 14. If there was neglect or abuse in your background, that can have an increasingly devastating impact on you as an adult. A decent therapist would help you to explore the possibility that there's stuff you can't remember because it was too awful. Saying that, I'm not assuming it was, just that it might be a factor in how your psyche has dealt with loss and trauma but is now losing the capacity to do that effectively, hence the flashbacks. Again, the dissociating is a real concern, it makes you very vulnerable and if it's left untreated could have consequences.

Just noticed your post, I hope the meeting with your GP was useful. Let us know how you're getting on

^ (Meant to say, just noticed the date of your post!)