Is it ok for a counsellor to hug their client?

[BaggiesBride]

Hi. I have been seeing a counsellor to help with my ongoing anxiety issues. At todays appointment some really dark event from my childhood came out. At the end of my session, my counsellor asked if he could hug me. I honestly did not feel awkward or uncomfortable in any way hugging him but since I've come home it has crossed my mind is that something unusual, for a counsellor to hug a client? Thank you in advance. x

I dont think so unless you felt uncomfortable. He did ask your permission. If you are unsure ask him not to

I don't think this is usual at all. I would not like it AT ALL if a counsellor asked to hug me.

Yes it is unusual. I wondered if it was for him or for you?

It is frowned upon really as boundaries are important.

How do you feel about it now? Did you feel like you needed a hug? Did he sense correctly and offer something you needed or did you feel like you should comply?

It depends on the client relationship, the type of therapy, and obviously (most importantly) consent. There's nothing wrong with it per se, so long as it is in appropriate circumstances.

Thank you for the replies. I still feel OK about it, although were it to happen again at my next session it will probably be the last time I visit. I'm pretty sure it was meant in a very genuine, kind way. That said, I'm not always the best judge of character! 😐

I've hugged my therapist once. I don't think it's unusual personally.

I think if it helped you, in the context it was given in, then it is probably fine.

I have had huggers and others who barely shake hands! All professional and appropriate and it's all been in different circumstances.

You have a great opportunity here, if this therapist is otherwise good for you and you'd like to keep going, to discuss this. Say you were fine with it and still are with that one but you'd rather not again. You're totally allowed to say that. If it's hard to say (anxiety doesn't exactly make potentially awkward conversations easier!) you can also write a long or short note and hand it to him at the next session.

You won't upset him, if you're worried about that, or make things weird, a good therapist would actually be proud of you for bringing it up in whatever way you can.

In my experience - not with hugs - but the therapy relationship is one where you (client) can try new ways of responding to things. It can be scary but once it's done and the therapist doesn't kick off, show disapproval of whatever else part of you thinks they will, it's actually liberating. A great feeling! I'm not pretending it's easy though. For me, I'd have it written in my pocket and say it, knowing I have the written backup.

Also it's potentially awkward in your mind, not theirs. For them it's normal stuff (think of going to the dr for something embarrassing - it's always routine them!)

Thank you everyone for your replies. I feel so much better for having spoken to you all about it and hearing your views. He is a fantastic counsellor and he really has made a huge difference to my mind set.