Am I mad or bad? I have anxiety and depression but it's mild. I cope at adulting pretty well most of the time. I'm not very social but manage fine. But certain triggers will bring on this massive suicidal self-hating depression which lasts anything from an hour to a day.
Yesterday it was a confrontational conversation with another parent in the playground (over something very minor). The other day an aggressive driver cut in front of me and swore. Or i'll be something I do or say that I realise is stupid or has caused offence unintentionally.
So basically, normal every day stuff which just triggers this massive self loathing/hatred/whatever which I dwell on constantly and find it hard to shift.
I don't think I'd act on it, although I've made plans to in the past. And at the time I have a realisation that my loved ones would be so much better without me around and I'd do almost anything to be free of the crippling self loathing at that point. Then I gradually come out of it. It's not like I'm miserable the rest of the time. I just wish I knew how to avoid this massive overreaction but I've always been this way, although it's got worse in recent years.