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Original poster

If I tell my doctor I’m feeling suicidal will my child get took by the social services

42 replies

alexloveskieron1 · 11/12/2018 12:42

I’ve been feeling very depressed and suicidal. I spoke to my mother about it and she told me to go to see the doctor but said I shouldn’t mention I’m suicidal because my daughter could get took away from me. I don’t want to lie because I want to get the help I need and I feel like if I don’t say this I won’t get the proper treatment I need. Tia

OP posts:
TheOrigBrave · 11/12/2018 15:45

No. Your mother is misguided.
Being honest is more likely to get you the help and support you need.
Seeing your GP and being honest shows that you are aware you need help and are taking the first steps towards changing things.

Engaging with health professionals is the mark of a mother who cares.

alexxxx20 · 11/12/2018 18:20

Thank you for the help Smile

Extrastout · 11/12/2018 18:22

TheOrigBrave the mark of a mother who cares?
Wtf?

NotyourMummynotyourmilk · 11/12/2018 18:23

You must be honest as there are some antidepressants that absolutely must not be given to a patient who is feeling suicidal. Your mum is so wrong anyway, you need help and the GAp is your first port of cell. Do it tomorrow.💐❤️

NotyourMummynotyourmilk · 11/12/2018 18:23

*GP is your first port of call.

NotANotMan · 11/12/2018 18:24

What's wrong with that extrastout?

Extrastout · 11/12/2018 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Extrastout · 11/12/2018 18:30

So any mother who has ever died by suicide is a mother who doesn't care?
That's my point.

NotyourMummynotyourmilk · 11/12/2018 18:32

extrastout
If a person is feeling at all suicidal, whether they have a plan in place or not, and they have a baby or young children social services NEED to be involved but that does not mean they will rip your child from your arms. You are giving very bad advice there and I will report if it carries on.

QueenOnAPlate · 11/12/2018 18:33

I’m a foster carer. Children don’t get removed if you are seeking help and taking the help available. They may in fact put support in place for you. Believe me, the system is so stretched at the moment it wouldn’t even be considered. I would be honest with your GP so you can be given the help you need quickly. I hope things get better soon x

NotANotMan · 11/12/2018 18:34

SS intervention can be an extreme stressor to someone with depression, so I would try to avoid their intervention at all costs

Yeah, that's really bad advice. OP please ignore it.

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 11/12/2018 18:36

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Extrastout · 11/12/2018 18:46

The poster asked whether SS will get involved if she spills her guts.
You're on the one hand telling her not at all, and on the other hand, actually yes, they will get involved, but they need to be involved.
I'm telling the OP the truth of the situation. She can take that advice or leave it.
Telling her that her mother is misguided is lying. Her mother is correct.
Her mother obviously knows her well enough to know that SS involvement would not help the OP.
Report away. If I'm banned, so be it.

Extrastout · 11/12/2018 18:48

And if you don't think the mother knows her well enough, how many of you posting here have children? Do you think you know what's best for your child(ren)? Do you know them better than anyone else in the world?

MattBerrysHair · 11/12/2018 18:56

The poster asked whether SS will get involved if she spills her guts.
You're on the one hand telling her not at all, and on the other hand, actually yes, they will get involved, but they need to be involved.
I'm telling the OP the truth of the situation. She can take that advice or leave it.

The Op is actually asking if her child will be taken away by SS if she admits to feeling suicidal, which is rather different to SS involvement.

Op, 3 years ago I drove myself to A&E because I felt suicidal and couldn't trust myself not to do anything. The crisis team were very helpful and it was the beginning of my path to recovery with much needed support. SS weren't even called, but to be honest I wish they had been because sometimes I really felt like I needed a bit of extra practical help. Anyway, I'm rambling.

Having suicidal feelings doesn't mean you're automatically viewed as a neglectful or abusive parent. It's vital to get the help you need and you need to be honest so the care you get will be effective.

Best of luck op 💐

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 11/12/2018 19:05

Hi alex I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad. But there is help out there and services which can support you. There may be a section called something like Intensive Family Support attached to SS. They can be very helpful. Please don’t listen to * their advice is at best misleading and at worst bloody dangerous.
It is vital that you get the help you need. A pp raised the very important point about some antidepressants which should not be given to people feeling suicidal.
Secondly, if you can find a supportive GP and explain how low you’re feeling then you should get referred for talking therapies and /or appropriate medication. Feeling suicidal is the absolute shits and being honest is the only way you can receive the help you need. Social services absolutely do not take children away from mothers with mental health issues unless there are lots of other factors involved. Being able to seek help for yourself shows how far you would go to be a good parent. And please don’t twist my words, extrasout, like you did with the post by TheOrigBrave. I’m not saying that parents who kill themselves don’t care about their children. I know far more about this than I would ever want to know. From both sides, and also as the remaining parent of 2 children whose fathers both ended their own lives. Although I was divorced from my DD’s father when he died, I still had to care for my bereaved daughter.
Please go to your GP, explain your fears, be honest and I wish you all the best on the road to recovery. The first step is the hardest, but the most important. You won’t always feel like this. Things can and do get better.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 11/12/2018 19:07

Bugger, part of my post is missing. In the first paragraph, it should read, please don’t listen to the advice from extrastout

CleverQuacks · 11/12/2018 19:15

I am a child protection social worker and we would not remove a child from its mum purely because she was suicidal. To be honest, most suicidal parents don’t even have any social services involvement. We would only get involved if there was a risk of harm to the child.

Love51 · 11/12/2018 19:15

I work with children and families for my job. Social care wouldn't accept a referral for a depressed mother if the mother was basically functioning and meeting the children's needs Other services may offer support which could help with getting things together if you needed it. Equally I have had mental health services involved for myself, and as my children are not considered at risk of harm, no one has even mentioned that sort of involvement.

Workreturner · 11/12/2018 19:18

Op

Read the post from @QueenOnAPlate

And then hide this thread. It is not going to help.

ruddydogg · 11/12/2018 19:24

I have youngish children and have told various doctors that I have the odd suicidal thought. Could have been more honest but I hadn’t established a particular positive relationship with them.

None of the doctors even mentioned social services getting involved.

They did however put me on a path of monthly appointments at gp and ongoing psychiatrist evaluations.

To be honest the meds help much, much more than any of the appointments, so for that reason alone you really should go to your doctor. Also, as mentioned above, some meds can increase suicidal thoughts so please be as honest as you can.

Wish you all the best

TheOrigBrave · 11/12/2018 19:24

I also speak from experience.
I have not had a single mention of SS regarding my child.

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 11/12/2018 19:38

They will likely get involved but it will be in a way that supports you. A friend of mine is in a similar situation and social services has arranged for her DD to be looked after in a sort of creche setting for 3 hours a week so that she can attend her therapy appointments without a child in tow. She also has a lady who visits her twice a week and checks in with her regarding meds and how she is feeling and whether she needs more support. Like you she went to her GP because she was feeling suicidal but couldn't bear to leave her DD.

They will help you OP. It's only when people don't engage and treat them as the enemy and won't help themselves that they even consider taking the child. If she is not at risk and you are trying to access help then they will support you.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 11/12/2018 19:38

And I’ll add too that I was once on a voluntary section due to suicidal ideation and SS weren’t even notified.
I hope you’re ok . Op, it was brave to reach out and I hope that doing so hasn’t made you feel worse.

bumblebee39 · 11/12/2018 20:02

SS might actually help you
You may need a short stay as an inpatient if your MH is really bad, or input from a crisis team. Not telling them the full extent will mean you might not get the help you need. On top of that SS might be able to support your parenting.

Honestly get help and give the GP the whole story.
SS are overstretched so unlikely to be very concerned or bothered at all tbh, and MH are also overstretched so need to be pushed to help you.
Unless your psychotic or suicidal your incredibly unlikely to get much help at all.

Also SS can be a help in their own right. I know nobody believes it but they want you to stay with your kids.

It's cheaper it's easier the court process is arduous and they often don't win

Nobody tells you that SS aren't just the boogie man, but they're not. They can help you with practical support (taxis to do the school run, after school club, etc.) and emotional support (somebody to go to when you need support, someone who can signpost you to parenting, counselling and other sources).
Yes they're are bad social workers, but they're is also a massive gap in MH services and they simply cannot and will not help you unless you're deemed sick enough