@Googlybearwazowski it is really hard to know what to do for the best and I can relate to how you're feeling, I felt the same when I was at my worst where I just didn't want to be around anyone. I'd shut myself away from everyone all the time, didn't want to see anyone and didn't want to speak to anyone and actually began to resent my partner for trying to be there for me and talk to me, make sure I'm looking after myself etc when all I wanted was to just be. It must be a lot harder having children as well as I'm sure you probably feel like you have to keep going for them too. It's an awful feeling and it's just the depression that takes over and makes you feel that way.
I can't advise on what's best for you but all I will say is that if you do leave it may be harder to go back, so it's whether or not you feel that you really want to do that, and whether you know it will just be a temporary thing or whether you feel like you want to leave for good. One of my friends is in a similar situation and she now hasn't been living with her partner for 11 months
I can completely relate to your last paragraph though as we've never had a lot of money either, and the months when we've thought 'oh we're actually going to be alright this month' something else always happens too, which doesn't help at all. Is it debts that you're worrying about or just general bills? As there are plenty of options for debt management plans around or if you contact all of your creditors and explain your situation and make a reduced offer of repayment you'll probably be surprised at how many are receptive to it.
It is frustrating with GP's as I know I felt like they just wanted to pump you full of drugs and if it wasn't working they'd just increase my dosage rather than trying anything else. I did get referred for counselling with the NHS but I didn't find it very good at all. They took so long to call in the first place and like you I was really anxious about it, and when they finally did call I found the woman to be quite patronising - I felt like she was talking to me like a child and I was just another number rather than them actually caring. And I know that's probably just how they're taught to be but I found it made me feel worse rather than better! They also completely messed up my appointments and booked me one that I couldn't do (I'd already told them what times were suitable for me) - they then changed it but without telling me and then rang me to say I hadn't turned up so I have to go to the back of the list. This obviously set my anxiety into overdrive and made me feel like what's the point when they clearly don't care.
I eventually tried a private counsellor and this experience was so much better. I contacted her via email and she was more than happy to oblige with everything being via email. When I did go and see her she was understanding and kind without being patronising and actually managed to extract a lot of information that I didn't even realise was there. Admittedly I did find that it didn't work for me overall and I stopped going after only 4 or 5 times, also partly due to the cost, but in that short time she told me a lot about myself that I hadn't even considered before. It was more analysing my life and past and seeing what triggers certain emotions for me, or why I feel certain ways about things, and actually just having the understanding as to my reasons why has helped me so much. Instead of thinking why am I feeling that way or why can't I just be 'normal' I could relate it to things and think well this is why I feel that way, this is normal for me, and understand what I need to make me feel better (if that makes any sense)
Sorry for the huge ramble, it's a difficult thing to explain isn't it and it's awful when you feel like you're trapped or there's no escape. It may be worth looking into alternative options though and seeing if there is something out there that works for you. If you ever need a chat just let me know xxx