Too much going on, overwhelmed.

[Papayalady]

Hi everyone. This forum has been so supportive in the past, so I hope I can get your thoughts on my current concerns. I've been in recovery from a breakdown for 18 months and still have bouts of anxiety/ sadness.
I lost my job in August due to my symptoms, and can't return to employment until I'm better so relying on financial help from family. Then my younger brother was diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing chemo treatment. My dad was recentky diagnosed with cancer and we're waiting for scan results. My mum has always had severe anxiety which has increased lately, impacting her health but she refuses to get help. She's extremely stubborn so I've given up trying to help her.
I'm 46, no partner and trying so hard to remain optimistic. Tonight, I'm letting myself crumble a bit. And admit that despite my family's issues, I need to keep putting myself first. Is this how life is over 40? It's flippin' harsh.
I'm simply looking for words of support and encouragement

it is harsh, may I offer an unmumsnetty hug

oddly enough I just posted about a nervous breakdown I had years ago - it's a terrifying experience, I know. Dealing with all you have on top is incredibly hard.

I'm also single, still have A&D and had a recent bereavement, so in spite of being on meds, I have woken up a few times with major anxiety. It is really hard and I do feel for you. I think you and probably both have to say that this is one of those periods of life that we will be very glad to put behind us, but I also know how hard that is.

I'm sorry if I'm being no help but I just wanted you to not feel alone. I'm 43, after thinking that life was great it was suddenly shot to shit when dad got very ill. So I don't think it is necessarily life in our 40s, and I think we must hold on to the fact that good times will come round again.

I could have written that,OP. I left my job due to extreme anxiery and panic attacks. My younger brother also has cancer and my father is ill. It’s like a bomb dropped on my family. I am a single parent of 2 lovely kids but wished I had a partner. I felt very lonely.

Things got better because I practiced self care. I did it for my kids. And also I reached rock bottom. I got a job working from home. I make ends meet and pay to see a counsellor - a good one. I take pleasure in small pleasures - I make sure I always have a creative thing on the go. I enjoy a bath. I enjoy writing poems. I basically keep busy and make small achievements. I bought a rabbit. I get the odd bit of overwhelm still but I try to love in the moment. Self care - lots of hints and tips on pinterest. I also plan to start online dating. I tell my brother that I am here for him but I have managed to make it in daytime as it was punctuating every hour. I have a lot of empathy and feel the emotional pain of others so I got some tips on how to deal with this. Self care. I bough a dvd on yoga. Simple pleasures. I bought a note book and made a bullet journal. At times I feel overwhelmed but I set realistic expectations - small steps. And I practiced gratitude. Difficult but I tried to find 3 things a day to be grateful for. this is from someone who stayed in bed for a year - too fearful or depressed to get out. I think loneliness was a powerful factor for me. Try your best to have people around you. I’m a bit rushed now but hope that Helps. I have two friends in their 60s and they feel life starts then. They are very happy and has a satisfying life. Best of luck x

@Papayalady

just saying hi and giving this thread a bump.

Thank you @Grace212, @Shiporsheep.
So sorry to hear about your brother's and dad's health problems too. It seems too common in society nowadays. I wish them the best.
It helps to know it'll get better. This morning I feel better about things, I think last night it suddenly all got on top of me. So I reached out for the support.
Yes, it's total and utter *t and my family has a history of mental health crises (dad, step-dad and mum and all have mental health issues which have heavily impacted on me many times in the past).
I'd love to be able to walk away and come back when it's all better!
I'm generally happy being single as my ex partially triggered my breakdown with incredibly narcissistic behaviour. So I'm aware the partner has to be a good one, otherwise it'll probably create even more stress. BUT good luck with the online dating - there are good uns out there. I read somewhere it's best to be honest about our situation so only the people who want to support you will respond (no time wasters!).
One day, this shit storm will ease off it seems...

Well we have more in common - my mental health has been largely exacerbated by a controlling ex with narcisstic personality disorder! Lots of putting down/coercive control. But, it’s been several years now and I’ve rebuilt my confidence and now I’d like to try and find a more suitable partner...if it doesn’t happen, so be it!
If you wanted to contact me privately, please feel free (I’m assuming you can do that on here). Take care of yourself x

That is tough, op. We are here

it's funny, I never really understood the term "reach out" until dad fell ill. After years of being quite happily single and so on, I suddenly found myself "reaching out" everywhere!

Do feel free to PM me also.

Do try to keep a support system going in person, whether community group good neighbor or friend