So basically this year has been an absolute shit show (scuse my language)
I had an ectopic pregnancy in Jan which had to be removed surgically, we all took it really bad.
My then partner assaulted me which resulted in social work being involved and I almost lost my kids (even tho it was me that reported it and ended the relationship)
My mental health has been all over the place for a few years my main trigger being my children (worst part is they are also my biggest saving factor! Vicious circle) but even after all this I pulled myself together For the sake of my kids.
After this is had kids dad threatening he would take the boys off me for good, infront of my kids, resulting in my oldest (6) having horrible nightmares and night terrors. Waking in the middle of the night screaming on me cause he thought he would never see me again. We resolved this with the help of social work and women's aid.
Fast forward 6months... I've met a new fella, my mental health was under control, my kids were happy. Then daddy dearest kicks off again because he isn't getting his own way (this is the usual for him) he again threatens to remove my kids from my care, infront of my kids, que nightmares and questions about why daddy's being nasty. As it was me that did all drop offs and pick ups I stopped so I didn't line myself up for more abuse, no effort made from other side so they havnt seen him for over a month now.
In the middle of all this, my mum has somehow got involved, this resulted in a massive argument (thankfully she had the sence to do this while kids were at school) in which she called me every name under the sun (I can handle that) she then went on to say that everything to do with my ex partner was my own fault and she is sickened that she had to 'sit and pretend I was a good mum at social work meetings. I neglect them because they havnt got a haircut & the toes in their shoes are out (my oldest says hes never getting a haircut ever again and as for the shoes, they are boys, they love biking and guess what they use for brakes?) This really hurt, I know I'm not perfect, but I try my best, my kids are always fed, watered, clean, nice clothes and even tho we do struggle financially as im on benefits, they never want for anything.
Now I'm left here feeling all alone, I have no one to help with the boys, I can't even trust or talk to my own mum.
This will be the first Xmas that I won't have my family, and really with the 1 year on my baby coming up I could use them now more than ever. I'm struggling but I'm scared to admit it because I know between my mum and daddy dearest they will day I'm a terrible mum and try take my kids... and i honestly could not survive if that happened. They drive me completely insane but they also save me every single day.