Horrible meltdown while 11 weeks pregnant-Have I harmed my baby?

[21helloworld]

Hi everybody,

So, I am currently 11 weeks pregnant and was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about 7 years ago. The journey to getting better has been very rocky, but for the most part, many of my symptoms have lessened. However, last night a fight with my ex-partner and baby's father occurred which spiralled into a meltdown. Cue hysterical screaming, hitting head, sobbing, trying to kill myself etc. Afterwards, I sat in shock for a while, couldn't believe that happened. My stomach felt bruised [from the pressure of the meltdown, I am guessing], and my legs were very sore. I am so worried the stress of the meltdown has affected the baby's development. Its the first major meltdown of my pregnancy but I have certainly been getting more stressed and angry than I have in a long while.
I really want to be a good mum and have a smooth pregnancy, and am booked in for regular DBT starting from next week, and will be seeing my GP..I guess I just want to know if anyone else has been through similar and was there baby happy and healthy? I am so scared!

Thanks for all replies!

I'm sorry you got into such an awful place.
How do you mean by tried to kill yourself? Did you take anything?

Remember women had babies through the war, bombs left and right, all sorts of awful trauma. They have them through break ups and deaths of partners. They have them in developing countries where they don't know when they will eat next or war torn countries when they don't know if their home is next. So lots and lots of emotional trauma. And their babies do fine.
Yes you want to minimise stress, your BP being constantly high etc isn't good for either of you but one meltdown week be harm your baby.

I'm glad your getting support. You need to do everything you can to take care of yourself to take care of her/him. Perhaps that involves some distance from Dad?

Be kind and gentle to yourself xx

I was in an abusive relationship and my anxiety was probably similar to the level of living in a war zone.

Whilst yes stress can harm... it doesn't mean it does. It means it is higher risk.

A bit like some smokers get lung cancer... but plenty also don't.

My dc was fine.

I expect yours is too. One meltdown isnt sustained over a long period of time.

Even when mine was... dc was unharmed in womb

Thank you so much for your reply!

That has helped put things into perspective for me, and made my meltdown not seem like the end of the world!

I should clarify the attempts were more part of the hysteria of the meltdown than any conscious effort on my part. I was reaching for razors and tablets-Hard to say if I would have gone through with any of it as I am staying with mum atm for support & she was stopping my every attempt. I cut during meltdowns, and I think more than anything, I just wanted to cut to relieve the intensity.

Dad and I have a very dysfunctional relationship. I have been hoping for it to become civil so we can co-parent but that hasn't been happening. I know he wants to help, and can financially but emotionally, but we both struggle with our mental health [he is an alcoholic]. I've blocked his number just for the sake of my sanity for the time being.

Thank you for your kindness and support xx

incallthebloodytime

that analogy, so similar to how I feel. Anxiety similar to war levels! Walking on eggshells while also trying to be healthy

I am so glad to hear that and I think I just need to take it easy and relax.

Glad to hear your baby was unharmed and hope you are looking after yourself xx